The Journey

3/13/07 - I haven't fully proofread this. There's my disclaimer. I do think I'm finally done though. I've had to work on it for a few minutes each day to get through it all!
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Well, this is the second time I've started this blog. Apparently SAVE AS DRAFT doesn't work all that well. Actually, I may not have gotten around to that and while I had a working document opened someone in my family closed it. Don't need to bother asking. No one will know anything.

Our trip to Colorado ...

Tuesday night, 2/20, we meet my sister Kara on the other side of Houston to let her keep the kiddos for us. We didn't want Will to get trampled and we didn't want Trini freaking out when her stuff was getting packed.

Wednesday, 2/21, three movers show up. They have most of the house packed, a number of boxes and some of the furniture loaded by the end of the day.

Thursday, 2/22, they packed up odds and ends and loaded, and loaded, and loaded, and then they loaded some more. The outdoor stuff took forever. Someone needs to declutter his junk!

By the time they drove Mark's CR-V up on to the trailer, that was about all that was going to fit. Thank goodness they were done. It was 8:30 pm before they headed out.

We went to eat at Pappdeaux's in Kemah for dinner and stayed, for the first time, at the Kemah Boardwalk Inn. It was really, really nice. We would have had a great view but unfortunately there was very dense fog in the area that night and the next morning. Bummer.

Friday, 2/23, we ran a few errands. We headed back to the house and loaded up our necessities. We had a full van but everything fit, including all 3 dogs, a small aquarium and the dozen or so surviving ants from the ant hill. 60-90 day life expectancy my foot!!

We headed to College Station to pick up the kids. I couldn't help feeling homeless as we left the house in Deer Park. Our keys were inside so it was no longer ours. Yet, the house in Grand Junction hadn't closed yet and it would be 3 or 4 more hours until we had our new home. After that we went to my mom's in Cedar Creek and spent the night there. As we left College Station we got the call that the closing had gone smoothly and we were homeowners once again.

Saturday, 2/24, we left early and headed back to College Station for my niece and nephew's joint birthday party. It was at a park there and it was really nice. About 1:30 we headed out for Colorado. As excited as we were it sure was hard to leave my family.

Before I go any further I need to fill you in on a teensy weensy detail that added lots of depth and meaning to this trip. Our oldest dog, Peanut the beagle, started having diarrhea on Thursday while the movers were loading stuff up. She couldn't control it and was going in her crate. There would eventually be vomiting to and <> blood in her stool. Well into the trip she wasn't wanting to get up out of her crate to be walked. We were afraid at one point she wouldn't make it.

Back to the story ...

So, we've left from College Station. We get to I-35 a few hours later an just outside of Waco the air gets brown and the winds are nuts. Obviously the wind was stirring up some good old fashioned Texas dust and dirt. I had never seen that before. It was weird. It stayed like that until Ft. Worth. Mark's arms were tired from bracing against the wind at the wheel.

We had dinner in Electra, TX, just north of Wichita Falls. The wind was blowing so hard that our little Peek-a-poo could barely walk in it.

We started looking for a Starbucks at this point as the plan was to fill me up with caffeine so I could drive during the night while Mark slept. None to be found ... we didn't pass a single one. I ended up having to settle for a large cup of coffee (that no amount of sugar could have improved upon) from Sonic. Trust me, I tried 5 packs!

About 11:30 pm I started driving. I got the leg of the trip that included wild animals darting around, falling rocks, icy roads, and unamusing road signs. "Falling Rock", "Avalanche Area", "Elk Crossing", and "Icy Roads LIKELY", to name a few. ?????????

The first part of my drive is when I saw a fox, some deer, and the biggest rabbit ever. The middle part of my drive was two lane, icy, mountain roads. The LAST part was wear the road was up and down, had icy patches, and finally, falling rock.

Mark woke up because I was driving so slow. I told him I was worried about hitting ice and losing control. ("Jesus Take the Wheel" began playing in my head.) Mark said I wouldn't slide far going that slow. I wasn't amused.

Not even five minutes later I top the hill at mach speed, (okay I was going 33 but it felt fast) and saw rocks ahead in both lanes. Another car was passing me going a more normal speed. I was able to move over far enough to let him swerve and neither of our vehicles were damaged. There's something to be said about us Texan drivers after all!

At 3:30 am both of children were awake watching Charlotte's Web. Just an interesting fact to note.

Mark started driving again pretty soon after that. It was close to 4:30 a.m. My arms were tired from the stress of the conditions. We pulled over at a rest area for a couple of hours and slept really well surprisingly. We watched the sun come up for the first time as Colorado residents and then got on the road again.

We had breakfast at McDonald's just north of Colorado Springs. We let the kids play for awhile and stretch out their legs. Then it was back on the road.

Mark got his chance at the fun of the roads west of Denver around Vail. Lots and lots of snow and some slick roads were only part of his fun. He did well and I stayed awake to gasp now and then. It was as pretty as it was nerve racking!

Lunch was in Glenwood Springs and then we knew we were on the "home" stretch, less than two hours from Grand Junction. We went straight to the house, our house. We arrived sometime in the 2:00 pm hour. It wouldn't take long for it to begin to feel like home. It was a wonderful feeling to hold the key in our hands and know it was ours.

I think this is long enough! If I've forgotten something I'll have to write a new blog later! Sorry it is so long! It represents the length of the trip I suppose!

Weirdness #1

Deana Nall challenged me months ago to list my 50 most weirdnesses. I don't have time to list that many but I'll try to list a few at a time as I think of them.

#1 - My pillow ... I don't want anyone else laying on it, breathing on it, even touching it necessarily. If it is packed in the car I don't want it touching anything, especially things that could be dirty or dusty or even perceived as such. It should NEVER, under any circumstance, be placed on the floor.

The Ties That Bind

Well, the Capps family never ceases to amaze me. How blessed I am to still have such strong ties to my PEEPS. My mom's extended family is simply amazing.

Sunday, February 4, a surprise gathering in Lufkin, Texas, gave us the greatest send off we could have ever hoped for. Family members from Plano, Channelview, Liberty, Cedar Creek, College Station, Columbus, and I'm sure I'm missing more, gathered to worship the Lord together. We surprised my 82 year young Poppa. We all just showed up for worship at the small congregation he worships with at Herty Church of Christ. He was blown away.

My Uncle Mike did the opening announcements. He got me crying as he explained to the small congregation the bombardment of people. He talked of how close our family is and wished Mark and I and the kids God speed as we set off on our new adventures in Colorado.

Poppa led some songs during worship as he did so many times during my childhood. I looked around the auditorium and so much was familiar. The metal numbers that hang on the classroom doors are the same. The pews, although reapolstered I believe, are the same. Some of the same dear faces remain. Though slightly changed they were the ones there for my first physical steps and my first steps of faith.

My cousin Ryan led the remaining songs during worship. Uncle Dan led the first prayer and my Mom's cousin Reggie led the closing prayer. How appropriate to have so much family involved in the service.

We all had a catered lunch at the Huntington Community Center. More family came and we celebrated Uncle Mike's 60th birthday. They presented my family with a scrapbook that has pictures of each of the branches of the family. They all wrote in something it for us too. Let me tell you, I can't imagine anything better to take with me to help keep my kids connected to this legacy of love. Everyone contributed and my cousin Courtney put it together. Thank y'all, so very very much.

To everyone who came and wished us well, to the family members who pulled the meal together and handled all the little details most of us took for granted, you gave us such a special day and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

We rounded out the day at Grandma and Granddaddy May's house. We had a good visit with them. A jewel for me was to hear my Granddaddy say that we had really turned his thinking about homeschooling around. WOW! I'm so proud of that and he'll never know how much that comment meant to me.

As we headed out of town, I had one more stop to make. Someone from my past beckoned me say farewell. The Garden of Memories just south of Lufkin holds a great many family members and loved ones of mine. None so dear as my Granny, who still to this day I miss so much.

Over the years I've found it hard to "talk to her" when I would visit her gravesite. I would usually find myself in prayer about her. It was different this time and I'm not exactly sure why. I really talked to her.

I told her how much she had encompassed my childhood. So many days and nights were spent with her. She was the first to show me how to scramble eggs. She tried to convince me that powdered milk could taste just as good as fresh milk in a carton. (Sweet Granny, now that just isn't true! LOL) She taught me the ins and outs and history of "Days of Our Lives" and "Another World" which were called her "stories".

I told her how much she would love the three miracles in my life; the man God sent straight from Heaven to hold my hand and take care of me and to love me in ways I didn't know were possible. And of course the two little gifts from God He had placed in my care. What would she think of the compassionate, getting freckled faced girl that calls me Mommy? Or the rambunctious, more like me than I care to admit boy who has rocked my world and given it so much life?

I told her that for the first time she had been gone, Poppa was going to be all right. I told her he was in really good hands and that I knew she wanted that for him. I told her to rest easy.

I told her I couldn't believe I was going to be away from all of these people I had spent the day with. I told her it was going to be so hard. I told her I was glad I had her strength and her faith in God. I could be excited about this huge change with those in hand.

So much of my past was wrapped up in her but I can look with joy at the influence she had on my life and still has today. The more I talked to her, the more she became entwined in my present and my future as well.

Father God, thank You for letting me find my roots and my wings within my dear family. Thank You that my children have this as the foundation of their earthly lives. Thank You for gracing me with people who care deeply about each other and about the connection we all have. May we follow where You lead and may You lead us back from time to time to the place where I began. In the name of Jesus, Amen.

It's Feeling Real

We're just back from a 4 day, 3 night Colorado cruise. Cruise my foot! What an adventure the Brassette Bunch had. We left home around 7:45 Sunday morning and returned Wednesday night around 9:30. The trip was successful we think but we sure were some tired souls dragging in here two nights ago.

Personally, I had hoped to find an acceptable home on Monday. Then spend Tuesday looking at favorites and make an offer. Well, Tuesday evening we were torn between two amazing homes which had me very frustrated. I finally snapped out of it when I realized how blessed we were to be in such a predicament. We could have not found any homes we liked!

Around 5:30 on Tuesday we called our realtor and told him the offer we wanted to make. It's quite lower than the listing price of the home but we have house number 2 as our back up plan. We're overnighting paperwork with our offer and earnest money and hope to hear something soon.


Here is our top choice! It is in a nice, established neighborhood. The street is Dane Lane. (Trinity liked that it rhymed.) It was built in 1996 and has 2432 sq ft. We'll have lots of room to spread out. 4 bedrooms, 2 1/2 baths, a gameroom upstairs and a dining room, living room, and office downstairs.

I can't put pictures of our second choice because it is a new construction home. So new that they had plastic draped all around it.

The children were AMAZING the whole trip. They were up early each day and went to bed late each night. They missed naps and rests and had some late meals. They were dragged in and out of houses, the car, the hotel, airports and planes. They remained sane, as did we, and were simply remarkable.


Will woke up at 6 am Wednesday morning to our dismay. This is the child who generally sleeps until 8:30 or so. He fell asleep on the way to the airport and then took a long nap during our layover in Denver in his stroller sitting upright half the time.

As we were coming out of our favorite house to that point on Monday, Mark stepped down wrong and sprained his ankle very badly. His whole foot is still black and blue. Within about 5 minutes it had swollen up the size of a baseball right at the bump of his ankle. I got a free pass to do the driving after that and he got to put a snow pack on it.

The snow ... there were several inches on the ground and the kids had a big time. Kamikaze Will ran and jumped and kicked and THREW. Trini was a little more reserved, as usual. She did manage to bean a few snowballs at us though. We couldn't convince her to make a snow angel. It sure was PURTY!

I dropped my hip pack on the ground Tuesday and managed to completely whack out my cell phone that was nestled inside. I can no longer read the inside screen of it and the battery isn't holding a charge for very long. So, if you call it and I don't answer, call us at home or Mark's cell as I won't be able to tell you called!

As far as Deer Park goings-on our house showed twice last Saturday and we have one offer in writing already and the promise of another. It was officially listed last Friday. Isn't that amazing?? Now if only we could secure a home to move into we'll be all set.

It looks like we'll be trying to move the last week in February. We'll keep you posted. Email if you want more pictures or I can invite you to join our family yahoo group where they will all be soon if you'd like to stay connected.

Lesa

Migraine Misery

I'm usually at worship right now. I'm only just coming out of a fog called a migraine. I tried to put into words to my husband last night just how badly I had been suffering. It's hard to do.

I woke up early yesterday morning with some mild pain. I went back to sleep and when I got up at 10:30 (thanks to hubby letting me rest) it was gone. Around 5:30 I started having some pain in my neck and at the base of my skull. By 7 pm I could no longer walk upright and speaking became difficult.

I laid on my bed and tried to decide if it hurt worse to breathe more frequent shallow breaths or to hold my breath and take a deep breath less frequently. The pain rolled through my head like a wave. It actually felt like the pain was a wave of water going back and forth across my head.

Nausea set in and the fun part that comes after that. I finally begged for Excedrin which I knew had caffeine in it. Any small amount of caffeine keeps me awake into the wee hours of the morning. I was hurting so bad I didn't care. I started to feel our Christmas Eve rituals slipping away from me and I was so saddened to have part of my life wasted by these devils called migraines that stop me dead in my tracks.

Finally after three bouts with my trash can I managed to wedge my head into my pillow against the headboard of our bed. Thinking about that position really begs the question of how I could find comfort like that.

I thought, "God, if only you'll take away this pain ... I'd give you anything ..." I think I really meant ANYTHING.

I managed to doze off and awoke at 11 pm. There was a dull pain left but you can put up with anything when you're coming off of a migraine. I was awake until almost 6 am. I got back to sleep just in time to get up and help get the kids ready for church. It was hard not to go with them. This is always a nice time of year to see visitors at church and be with our church family. I just couldn't do it.

For all of you who suffer with migraines, I feel ya! I wish they were easier to control. I have to say though there's nothing like pain so bad you wish someone would chop off your head to get you humbled and on your knees knowing someone else is in total control of your life.

For those of you who don't believe your loved ones are migraine sufferers or think they are putting on, after all it is just a headache, I have a message for you. I won't wish such a pain upon you but here's a visual. Imagine taking a hammer and smashing it down on your finger as hard as you can. Multiply that times 20. Then factor in every single sound, every single ray of light, and every shallow breath you take magnifies the pain even more. You still have no idea.

I have a wonderful husband who brings my cold cloth and offers proper placement of my trash can. He rubs my back and squeezes my head when I'm in the throws of the worst of it. He lets me know I'm not alone and gives such precious care to me. I'm a very lucky woman.

I'm ordering a t-shirt today that says I SURVIVED THE WORST MIGRAINE OF 2006. Just kidding, though I do deserve an award.

Family Ties

We spent all day yesterday down in the big city of Columbus, Texas, at my Aunt Ilee's house. My mom's entire extended family was there and it was such a wonderful day.

Aunt Ilee hosted the event with her husband Uncle Dan. (My uncle, not hers. : ) Their country home was the ideal setting for such a sepcial day with haylessride included. Their oldest son Danny and his wife Trish made it along with kids Elyssa and Jayden. Their youngest son Ryan came too with wife Ashley and new Baby Faith. Their daughter Jenny her husband Jack and son Casey didn't make it but we were graced with the presence of her two youngest sons, Colton and Chase. SWEETIE PIES!!

My Uncle Mike was there with my Aunt Bobbie. Their kids Crystal and Cody made it along with married daughter Courtney, husband Mike and kiddos Haylee and Chance.

My Mother Pat and step-dad David came. My sister Kara and her husband Chad were there with kiddos Hannah and Jackson. Our little sister Keli came with her kids Daniel, Andrew, Nathan, and petite bebe' Makayla.

Rounding out the group was my 82 year old Poppa and his sweet new wife Bettye.

I can't remember a time in my life that the people in that house yesterday didn't encompass. We've been on trips across the country together. We've celebrated many a Thanksgiving and many more a Christmas together. We've stood side by side at funerals; one a pain so deep we almost couldn't bear. We've sat together and sang together at weddings. We've seen babies born and our families grow.

Personally it feels so unique to me that we still make this get together a priority every single year. It's important to every one of us.

And did I mention we sing together? How many families, if they get together at all, have a common thread deep of enough to enact it year after year? We sing for hours sometimes. We raise our voices in song lifting praises to our Heavenly Father. The core group has married and drawn in more singers (or converted singers ourselves!). Can you imagine what a blessing it is to have this kind of family structure as the corner stone for your life? We have something that other families envy and when they speak of togetherness, they only wish they had a fraction of what we've found.

Yesterday was bittersweet for me. As wonderful a day as it was, I knew in my heart it would be one of the last times my family would be able to be present with everyone since we're moving to Colorado. I tried hard to hold myself together. I didn't want to sadden anyone else. My Poppa's prayer before our meal got me. And then we sang ...

I thank my Heavenly Father for these people He placed in my life. I thank Him for the years of togetherness. I thank Him for almost hayless hayrides. I thank Him for the Christian examples they've set for me. I thank Him for the love that pours out when one of us is in need. I thank Him for blessing me so richly. I thank Him for these STRANGE and unique people. I thank Him that I call them family.

Thank you Cappses, Shumways, Dillards, Barringtons, Flemings, and Dennises. No amount of miles will distance my heart from yours.

Times They Are a Changin'

Wow!

I haven't written since March? Wow! Oh, I already said that.

Here is a picture of the Brassette Bunch. My little ones are growing up. Oh my heart ... my cup runneth over. He's 2 and she'll be 6 in February.

Well, the season is in full swing. My mind is on what happens when it is all said and done. When Christmas is over, that means we hit "get the house ready to put on the market" at full speed ahead. I'm not sure I'm ready to face that.

You see, our family is relocating to Grand Junction, Colorado. (For some reason it feels like Missouri flows well after GJ.) It's gorgeous there. We'll get a little bit bigger and little bit newer house. (For a LOT more money.) There's a wonderful church family we're eager to work with waiting on us. The opportunities for Mark and for our family are endless. I truly am excited.

I just haven't come to terms with the leaving people here side of it yet. ARGH. Putting the house on the market will be a stern jolt of reality. I'm a little nervous. Heavenly Father has been in this from the start. He knew I needed a change. He knew Mark needed to realize his infinite potential. Great things await us ...

More to come I hope and plan ...

Tom Delivers

Last Thanksgiving I hosted my family at our house. I cooked my first turkey. Though no one verbalized it, the hint of doubt and worry was in the air. I have to admit even I had my doubts. Who wants to mess up the cornerstone of the feast that is Thanksgiving?

Everyone had their two cents to put in. EVERYONE, including the dogs, has an opinion on the best method, proper cooking time, or yummiest stuffing and seasonings.

Well, I went with my own methods and opinions. (I do this with just about everything else in my life. Why stop here I thought?) I combined suggestions from several different things I read but used ideas found from Leanne Ely (of Flylady fame) the most.

Folks, I gotta tell you, I DONE SO GOOD!!! That turkey was falling off the bone it was so moist and tender. The veggies and apple from inside were falling apart too. It was a beautiful bronzey brown and I beamed with pride the rest of the day. Oh, and I had it done on time too!!!

I have my method and cooking times written down in my Control Journal that I affectionately call my Brassette Household Operations Manual. So, I'll be pepared to tackle it again this year.

Tom Delivered ... in a big way. Can't believe I spent all of those years so concerned about cooking a bird! I don't think it was at all the monumental task I had made it up to be. Oh, and I dare not call it a bird out loud. Trini still isn't sure about the whole "food turkey" and "real turkey" situation. - Lesa

Blogging in Spirit

Wow, October 3. That's a bit pathetic on my part. What the heck have I been doing since then to keep me from posting? Well, I discovered Flylady.net in early November and have jumped into that with both feet! That's been blessing my family and myself. I sailed through the holiday season and my 32nd birthday. But blogging has been on my heart.

I've been keeping a running list of blog topics to write about. I'll post them and if you happen to wander back here to my blog, drop me a line if any sound interesting. I'll try to post again soon.

• The Mountain Has No Ears
• Can't Live Without 'Em
• Unexpected "Blade" Preview
• Is it Just Me? (Don't choose this one ... I can't remember what it means!)
• Sweet Dreams
• Verifying Codes
• Urban Stampede
• Christmas Casualties
• Tom Delivers
• Tagged - Weird Things About Me (Compliments of Deana)
• Thank You, Sharon Grimes
• Flylady: My Hero, My Saint

Anything sound interesting? It's good to be back. I'll do better.

Truly Bare Necessities

Anyone been shopping in Deer Park recently? Our Wal-Mart Supercenter is out of eggs! Completely! Our Kroger is almost completely out of bread. (Although they have several packages of high-end Pepperidge Farm specialty breads.) And they are out of CREAM OF CHICKEN soup! What's up??????? That's a staple in my house. I had plans to cook with it twice during the next week and a half.

Our Kroger has also undergone some major renovations as of late. It is a little inconvenient but not the major catastrophe some of my fellow shoppers were making it out to be. For example, while the sour cream is no longer by the yogurt, it is in the milk coolers. They didn't move it to the middle of the canned goods or anything like that.

People were just so aggravated about all this. After shopping at a tee-tiny little Brookshire's for five years in Arkansas, I love my Kroger and don't care how they re-arrange. If my Oreos end up in the meat section, I'll find them. No worries.

"Swallowing angry words is always easier than eating them." - Author Unknown

Evacuation Emotions

I never thought about evacuations before. We've lived in Deer Park for four years now. I suppose we once thought we might have to leave, but never got much further into than that.

Packing up, getting the essentials, and gathering a few precious mementos (the kids' baby books, our wedding video, etc.) was really draining for me. I thought what if the contents of our van was all we had when the wind calmed and the water receded? Oddly enough, God graced me with a peace that I still don't understand.

Mark installed put up our plywood shutters so when I turned off the last lights, there was silence and darkness in the house. I flipped the switch off and then right back on. One last look at my safe place, my refuge, my home. It became clear I should have let Mark lock up. As I got in the van, tears silently flowed. I'd been holding them back all day for the benefit of our four year old.

She had a hard time with this. We had encouraged her to pray for Katrina victims and donate to the relief efforts. She had a pretty good idea of how devastating a hurricane can be. We had to play up the trip as a vacation but she still had her worries.

As we made our way up north, we passed so many cars filled to the top with possessions and persons. Little kids huddled in back seats surrounded by pillows and blankets and teddy bears. I actually teared up for so many of these people, so sorry they were running from Rita. I suppose I was in "vacation" mode though I guess most would call it denial.

We stayed at 3 hotels during our adventure. Nothing like a good dose of reality to make you appreciate your situation. Every hotel was filled with evacuees who remained from Hurricane Katrina. We would go home soon. They had no idea if they even still had a home.

The worst thing that could happen now is another hurricane in the Gulf of Mexico. So many of us are weary and tired. I can see where many wouldn't even try to leave again. I would. Give me life, with my 3 precious loves and my 3 pooches. I choose them over bricks and shingles any day. We're just blessed to have the means and opportunity to leave.

I'll have to blog our evacuation story soon. We had an adventure!

"Take life in little pieces, one piece at a time." - Author Unknown

Mission: Organization

I am so hooked. Anybody out there addicted to this show on HGTV? As a perfectionist I am by nature a procrastinator and keeper of a cluttered house. I just have to tell you that this show has made an overwhelming difference around here.

Every few days Mark comes home to a box or bag of donation items to take to the garage. This show has really helped me learn to sort and purge things that I have been holding on to. I'll admit that it is easier to purge and sort in the kids' rooms, but I've been doing a bang up job in my room and our huge walk-in closet. It feels good to get rid of things.

The closet runs the length of our bedroom and is about five feet wide. It became the dumping ground for homeless items I found around the house after William took over the junk/guest room. Lately I could only walk about half way back into it. I pulled the old shelving out and put in a system of cubbies that looks like it is going to work perfect for home office supplies and some of our homeschooling items. Oh yes, and room for my greeting card collection.

That's right. I collect greeting cards. Now, I didn't know this until I started working in my closet. But as I began emptying out the closet, I'd find a box here and a bag with 2 or 3 boxes there. 21 ... that's TWENTY ONE ... boxes later, I really feel I have a problem. Or at the very least some "issues".

Sometimes I feel like I need to de-clutter my brain too. I remembered this week that Trini's dentist owed us a $25 refund from six months ago. How does that work? How can I remember knowing that they did in fact owe us, but not remember for the six months in between the point in time when I figured it out and when it returned to my mental in-box?

Something happened to my brain cells when Will was born. I didn't notice problems after Trini, but child number two has zapped me. My mental notepad ran out of paper months ago and the refill light blinks occasionally but I'm too tuckered out to reload most of the time.

I'm feeling a little stressed right now. I have several items to do that I'm juggling and I just know one is going to come crashing down any moment. Let's see ... Will's first birthday party and Trini's first ever soccer game ... on the same day, the new Bible Class Quarter starting at church, wall paper that I need to finish and some painting to get done before Will's party preferably, and all the dozens of things that I'm probably forgetting because of that blooming empty mental notepad.

I do love that God led me to start getting a Bible verse of the day from the Bible League. It's one to two verses and then a 3-4 sentence devotional. Every single day the new verse speaks to me and something going on right then. No matter how nuts I think I am, He's still working on me and giving me the tools to make changes to make life better around here. - Lesa

"What I can do plus what God can do equals enough." - A Free Methodist

Fascinating Me ... ?

The title is not to say that I am fascinating. Well, not exactly anyway. More so it is to say that there's something really simple out there that has been fascinating to me.

While looking up soccer information recently, I came across the website for the City of Pasadena. It had the council members listed with a brief biography of each one. It was really neat to see where people had been born, gone to school, how and where they had met their spouses, when they'd had children and so on. Just plain, regular people and I was captivated for quite sometime.

So, I'm going to be a trend setter. (That's only if everyone who reads this follows suit ... hint hint.) I'm going to start a post called Fascinating Me. If you decide to do it too, please leave a comment so that I can be fascinated by you as well!

In 1973 at Memorial Hospital in Lufkin, Texas, I entered this here old world. My parents, who were both 18 at the time, were married just six months earlier. Need I say more? They would divorce before I reached the age of 3.

My mother re-married in 1979 and we celebrated their 25th anniversary last year. I grew up living with them and my first two little sisters in Lufkin, while my father and his second wife and my third little sister lived in Houston, two hours away.

We moved to Garland, TX, in mid-1985, then to Lake Charles, LA, in late 1986. I finished middle school and started senior high at Barbe High School there. I didn't know it then and certainly wouldn't have guessed that I had met (and looked over) the eternal love of my life.

We moved to Round Rock, TX, in early 1989. Life really took off for me there. I excelled in Band and Choir at Round Rock High School. I made some of the best friends ever that I still keep in touch with to this day. I was courted by a missionary's son, long-distance from Aruba, and really thought our future was set.

In late 1990 the greatest loss of my life until that point occurred. My Granny lost a six month long battle with cancer and passed from this world. It was really devastating to our whole, extended family and I really don't think we've recovered from that even now. I have to say though that I've noticed in the last few years that I am able to think of her and smile where there were only tears before. Time does heal, thankfully.

I ended up moving in with my father and sister in the middle of my senior year of high school. I turned 18 and thought I knew it all. What a schmuck. I graduated from Westfield High School in Houston with people I barely knew and have barely spoken to since. Live and learn.

Thank heavens for old girlfriends who have cute guys as friends. Mark brought an old friend of mine to see me in 1992. It only took us 2 years after that to actually start dating! And we had to go and put over 400 miles between us first with me being back in Round Rock in 1994 and him in Baton Rouge, LA, attending LSU.

We dated for almost a year before I moved Baton Rouge. He proposed on our one year "dating" anniversary and we got married 5 months later in August 1995. (We wanted to marry before the Fall semester started. That was the only rush.) Oh, and we honeymooned at Walt Disney World!

We moved to Po-dunk, I mean Crossett, AR, in 1996 right after Mark graduated from LSU. He's an engineer girls ... :-)! I hated Crossett. I all but refused to bloom where I was planted on that one. Then I met my April ... my buddy! We went to high school in Texas within 90 miles of each other and it took the state of Arkansas to bring us together as adults. Serving on the Board of Directors for the Ashley County Humane Society together didn't hurt. And April is the one I wrangled into taking Cake Decorating classes with me.

I rededicated my life to God in July 2000. I haven't looked back yet. He's been so good to me even when I wasn't interested in returning that love.

Mark and I were blessed with daughter Trinity Faith in 2001 and soon moved to Deer Park, TX, where we are so happy and reside still. She may not have been born in Texas but we got her here as fast as we could! We suffered a miscarriage in late 2003 which was so devastating after trying for 11 months. Then our ray of sunshine ... William Christian joined our clan in the fall of 2004. He's a Texas thoroughbred.

Our family worships our Heavenly Father at Missouri Street Church of Christ in Baytown, TX. We're forming bonds with fellow Christians that will sustain us and our children through our walk of faith on this earth and serving our Father as we go.

This Friday Mark and I will celebrate 10 years of marriage. It's almost hard for me to believe. A girl who came from divorced parents, who moved around without any real ties for so long. I never thought I'd have such a stable relationship to call my own. I'm thankful everyday for the life and the love we share and for our two precious little gifts from God who fill my days with so much sunshine and joy (and frustration occasionally).

Little details, all compiled, make up a life that was purposed long before my parents even knew. Maybe I'm not fascinating to anyone on earth. But my FATHER created me like no one else and HE is fascinated by me. Even when I'm in my pajamas at lunch time and even when I get a little too self-serving and lose my focus on Him. He's still working on me and fabulous or fascinating or ordinary beyond belief, I'm a child of God!

I throw down the gauntlet ... it's your turn to fascinate me ...

"To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world." -
Author Unknown

Where's My T-shirt?

Well, I went to Wal-Mart yesterday with both kiddos in tow. I'm shocked to report that it went not only bearable but very well. I really feel like I earned a shirt that says, "I survived Wal-Mart alone with both of my kids."

Maybe the t-shirts come when you have "harrowing" experiences like my previous grocery store "event" I blogged about. Normal, calm, uneventful outings go by the wayside. Although my shirt hasn't showed up from that now infamous grocery store catastrophe.

But boy oh boy was I excited yesterday! I think my baby has turned a corner. He still has his rotten sounding screeches but they are getting fewer and further between. He doesn't cry nearly as much as he used to. I don't know, maybe I've gotten faster at shoveling in his bites of food. And maybe I've gotten more attentive to him wanting to be picked up. In some way we've had a change around here and it's a great thing.

Thank You, Father, for this "calm after the storm" that we're living right now. Thank You for the blessing of my kiddos and that I am able and willing to to be all wrapped up in their little worlds! - Lesa

"If God had meant for today to be perfect, He would not have invented tomorrows." - Author Unknown

Closer to Jesus

This summer has been a series of big steps for me. Letting go of my four year old as she ventured off into the unfamiliar world of arts and crafts class and tumbling was difficult. Then the week-long Mini Skyhawks camp came and I thought I would burst from anxiety.

Luckily I found the presence of mind to pray amid my tears (yeah, I'm weird) that God would keep her safe and watch over her, and if He could keep her in once piece for my return. Little did I know she has the whole prayer thing and relationship with God covered herself.

On the last day of camp parents were invited to stay as the kids ran relays and played tournament style soccer and basketball. I had just helped Trini with her water break and was walking back to my seat when a voice said, "She is so precious!"

I turned to find another mom gushing over my child. The woman recalled, "A couple of days ago she was watching some of the other kids climb a tree outside by the soccer field. After a few minutes she said, 'The only reason I would like to climb a tree is to be closer to Jesus.' "

I was blown away. My baby sees Jesus everywhere. God really is in all things for her. I'm so proud that we've raised her to feel that way. And I must admit that I'm ashamed that I'm not nearly as good about it as she is.

My children teach me so much about life. Patience is a prerequisite of living, not just motherhood. My kindness and gentleness, or lack thereof, are reflected in their little actions. Quiet words often make more of an impact than shouting. And now, getting closer to Jesus is the goal of all goals.

Thank you Father for leading Mark and I to raise our babies for you. Thank you that they can see the good in all things, except maybe bedtime. Thank you that we can mimic them when our faith dwindles or when we put seeking a closer relationship with You on the back burner. Through Your Son I pray ... Amen. - Lesa

"To acquire knowledge, one must study; but to acquire wisdom, one must observe." - Marilyn Vos Savant

Stuck

By the way ... when you cover spilled milk with newspaper, the newspaper sticks to the surface you covered. - Lesa

Grocery Store Stir Up

I took my children out to the grocery store by myself week before last. The littlin' is 9 months old and this is only the second or third time I've attempted this. It didn't take long to realize why.

By the time we got to the produce section the baby was screaming. Not an "I'm hungry" scream. Not a "Diaper: Fully Loaded" scream. It was an "If I was older and screaming like this I'd be called a spoiled rotten brat even by parents who detest the use of the word brat" kind of scream. Detail to note, I start my shopping in the produce section.

I pulled out the cheerios which tamed the screeches for half a second at time. I pulled out his little ring toy and even attached it to the cart. He wouldn't even LOOK at it. So I just started moving quickly. I would give those "yes, he's unhappy (we'll pretend he's tired)" glances to fellow shoppers. Some returned their own looks of compassion and others returned looks of, well, I can't write such words.

We got to the yogurt drinks and Trinity was making her choices. A strange woman walked up and told me not to get the orange ones, which Trinity had in her hand. Apparently this lady drank one once, in 1987, and it made her throw up. I thought "Who are you? And who talks to a total stranger about wretching?" So, I picked up a second pack of orange ones and tossed 'em in the basket and whisked off down the next aisle at speeds that would impress Nascar.

Finally we got to the frozen food section and it was like the Promised Land, our last stop before checking out. Other than my impending migraine from the shrill screams I'd been enduring, the trip hadn't been all that bad. Then, it happened. Will, my own personal "guy"ser, spit up more juice than a baby could ever drink. It ran down him, my purse, some of the groceries, and splashed my sandal-clad feet as it hit the ground forming a huge puddle on the floor. I was looking for a hose or something because there was no way this could have all come from him.

I looked around for an employee to help me. (Yeah, that'll happen.) My eyes searched desperately for a roll of courtesy paper towels. I knew I had only one mini-tissue in my purse and Will's burprag was already soaked from the cheerios I'd been shoveling in him through out the store. I felt panic set in. Then I calmed down, thought rationally, and did what any good mother would do. I said, "Trini, step over that and walk this way ... really, really fast."

I started piling the groceries onto the conveyor, thinking it couldn't get any worse than that. When I picked up the sour cream and there was white chunky stuff on it I got nervous. I was about to say I didn't want that carton when I noticed other items had white chunky stuff on them. Items that were not touching the sour cream. Yep. My little angel had turned around and spit up on some of the groceries. I was mortified.

We got out of the store without further incident and as the frozen section looked like the Promised Land, my garage might as well have been the PEARLY GATES. I got both kids and four bags of groceries out of the van and headed for the door. I was fumbling for the key when Trini's contribution to the trip that wouldn't quit ocurred. She dropped her opened bottle of milk and it began pouring out on the garage floor.

She picked it up but that didn't stop the spill from rolling toward me and a piece of my great grandmothers' furniture that my husband is working on in the garage. All that could stop it that I could see, and reach, was some newspaper nearby. As I reached for the stack of paper, Trinity's bottle tilted again, toward her this time, drenching her in a wave of white and escalating the flow headed at me to great speeds.

As I got the newspaper down just in time I thought I'd burst into tears. Or at the very least scream at a child or two. But I didn't do it so I know He's still working on me. I started laughing so hard. I thought, no one would even believe this story if I ever have the time to tell it or write it down. You'll have to let me know. And if you think this blog is long, remember it is a true life, real time account of my LAST trip to the grocery store with both of my kids. - Lesa

"God made man at the end of the week when He was tired." - Author Unknown

Little House Lives

Well, as I said so long to "Days" an old love resurfaced. Until recently, I'm not sure I ever knew just how wonderful a show "Little House on the Prairie" was.

Disney made a whole new mini-series of the original television pilot of the show. It aired in March and early April of this year. It brought back so many good memories. I could not wait to see some of the old episodes.

Well, as with anything these days, you can bid on Dvd sets of each season of "Little House" on ebay! I've started collecting them and they are so wonderful! What happened to family oriented shows like this?

My four year old LOVES to watch "Laura". She was disappointed at first because she couldn't find the fairy but that has since passed. That conversation went something like this.

"Mommy, I've been watching and watching and I haven't seen the fairy yet."

"What fairy Trini?"

"The one from this show with Laura."

"Trini, there aren't any fairies in the show with Laura."

"But Mommy, you said this show was about a little house and the fairy."

I laughed and explained and she giggled too. Then we had to have a long discussion about prairies and mountains and valleys, etc.

I guess Michael Landon was the dad we all wanted to have, especially for those of us that were in the limbo of not having a father who was present in our lives. Charles Ingalls was firm but loving and he always knew how to keep his cool or lose it at just the right time.

I had forgotten how much I loved this show when I was growing up. I think I was jealous of Laura for having Pa as a father. When she married her "Manly" I probably hurled looks that could kill at the television. After all, I was supposed to become Mrs. Wilder.

I'm still sheltering Trinity from some of the hunting scenes and some of the brawls that occur, but it has been a great series to re-live with my daughter. She has a "better than Pa" Daddy so she won't have to live vicariously through Laura. That thrills me greatly.

I wish I could have grasped growing up that I had my own "best parent". I wish I would have seen God as a father or even my father, not just THE Father. When I talk to Him now or write down a prayer, that's what He is to me more than anything else in my life. He's Father. Realizing that and embracing it brought me lots of comfort and gave me the grace to forgive some already, though I still have a bit of work to do in the forgiveness department. And with that, He's still working on me. - Lesa

"The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother." - Rev. Hesburgh

Days Dies

Just over a month ago I said goodbye to a long time friend. A childhood friend even. I cancelled the timer and turned off the T.V. and haven't looked back since. I've done away with "Days of Our Lives" in my life.

I watched this show close to thirty years ago with my Granny. I watched with my mother when I would be home sick from school or in the summers. It's a legacy in our family I suppose. I even found a husband that was into it enough to schedule some of his college classes around a lunch time focused on "Days".

For some reason though last month I decided I was done. Previews eluded that two couples who were very good friends were basically about to switch spouses. Now of course, two of them are thought to be dead but are really being held captive together in a hidden palace. Something about this, after years of watching the same things, turned my stomach and I just thought enough was enough.

I haven't missed it yet. Knew for sure I'd have some withdrawal pains but it has been painless thus far. The extra hour a day has much better uses. Thank you, God, that even fictional infidelity bothered me and that giving up something for you felt easy to do for a change. I'm so glad you're still working on me. - Lesa

"The best way to drop a bad habit is to drop it." - D. S. Yoder

My Inbox ...

Back on 11/22 I was overwhelmed by 85 emails in my inbox. Today there are 135. JEEPERS!

You Can See My Coffee Table

For the first time in about 3 weeks you can see my coffee table again. It amazes me how quickly that glass top gets covered up with the largest variety of items you can imagine.

The first layer usually consists of teeny, tiny toys that come from plastic eggs, vengeful grandparents, or coin machines at the grocery store. Other items may be stray tissue paper from gifts or extra kleenex from an almost sneeze that never was.

Next you'll get to bigger toys like a beanie baby, a Leap Pad backpack, and a box full of stretchy animals that Santa brought (the big dummy). These items can be deposited by an older child or even a tired parent on occasion.

The bottom layer is usually a modpodge of coloring books, sticker craft pages and miscellaneous mail and papers that Mommy has been looking for. No one confesses to placing them there but the peek-a-poo looks suspicious.

When you get to the bottom of the matter there's usually at least one or two renegade stickers partially stuck on smudged and smeared glass underneath the heap. If at least one of those is shimmering or has a smiley face, the journey to the top of the coffee table can be deemed a success as you move on with a smile in your heart.

Life is kind of like that you know. You go through each day trying to get to the heart of the matter; the really important thing hidden beneath all the other "junk" that clutters the day. I have to say though that without the junk we wouldn't appreciate the heart of it all.

Sometimes it takes a lot of effort to do a good thing. To lift up a friend in crisis or encourage a struggling soul might take several layers of effort. But if in the end you find a shimmer of hope in their eyes or a smile on their face, the journey to the center of their heart can be deemed a success.

Thank you God for the layers of our lives, even the ones we have to trudge through.

I need to remember that the trudging is a good thing and that I'm in no way above it. Thank goodness He's still working on me! - Lesa

"Every act of love is a work of peace no matter how small."

- Mother Teresa

Abstinence

Don't get excited... this isn't a birds and bees talk! I just realized this morning that now that I have a grabby, cutie patootie baby again, I'm in abstinence mode.

From what????? I'm abstaining from two things for awhile. I went through this with my daughter four years ago. I'm giving up lipstick for I inflict WAY too many kisses to keep up with wiping the excess away. Will's cheeks would get too rosey!

And I'm done with earrings for the time being as well. Call me picky but I like the holes in my ears ... no slits wanted thank you very much. I don't think Will could resist any "on-board" decor that shines or shimmers!

Today is April 3 (although the person who collects the attendance cards at church will think me and my kids were the only ones who worshipped yesterday, since I put 4/2 on ours). Ya know, that was my only goof during my first time ever at church without Mark with our kids. I think I did pretty well.

Anyway, third day of April ... My goal is to have more blogs in April than I did in March. That should be painfully simple seeing as how I had a measley 3 entries last month. I had a lot going on in March. I think the Lord led me to blogging so I'm going to stick with it! And I'm going to try to do better! It's HIS way of working on me! - Lesa

"A simple act of love can make extraordinary things happen."

- Sharon Whitley

They'll Never Know

People without children will never know the joy of finding a pink smiley face sticker in the bottom of the washing machine. I smiled the rest of the day! -Lesa

I've Never Either

I started working on this list several weeks ago. I decided I'd be a copycat to another copycat. It seemed like the courteous thing to do ...

This is all I have so far. Don't think I'll ever get much further so I'm gonna settle for 25 instead of 50. Maybe I'll have a part 2 someday but for now this will have to do.

1. I've never gone skydiving.
2. I've never watched (or loved) Everybody Loves Raymond.
3. I've never regretted becoming a wife and mother.
4. I've never been a bridesmaid.
5. I've never bought a package of baby formula.
6. I've never been to a school dance.
7. I've never shopped on Harwin Street.
8. I've never held my second baby.
9. I've never lived on my own.
10. I've never told a "big player" in my life how drastically they broke my heart.
11. I've never forgotten the awe of the Grand Canyon I saw at the age of 11.
12. I've never wanted to live in Arkansas again.
13. I've never liked vegetables.
14. I've never completed a College Algebra class.
15. I've never sung the Star Spangled Banner in public.
16. I've never been to Hawaii. (Dreaming though ...)
17. I've never cooked a turkey.
18. I've never thought there was any point to being a debutante.
19. I've never thought cotillions were purposeful in anyway.
20. I've never watched an episode of Saturday Night Live.
21. I've never ridden in a limousine.
22. I've never lost my love for miniature golf.
23. I've never been good at driving bumper cars.
24. I've never enjoyed a high school reunion.
25. I've never bought cigarettes.

I was not good at this list. Took me a long time to compile these few. And while I know He's still working on me, I don't think there's many items on this list that would enrich my life if I had ever instead of never. - Lesa

"Be the most you can be, so life will be more because you were."

- Susan Glaspell

Cactus Blossom

I don't have a green thumb. I never pretended I did. Is it really possible to kill a cactus? I mean how bad does the caretaking have to be for this to happen? It's a sad, sad day.

Don't worry, I do feed and water my children.

I do have plants that are still green in my home. They've lived here for just over a month now and I'm encouraged. Okay, so I did throw one away but I really feel it was suicide. There's nothing I could have done.

So I'll cling to the green, I get some things right. He's still working on me through the rest of them. - Lesa

"Don't ever give up, give more." - Peter C. Siegel

Ego Boost

Wanna feel good about yourself? I mean, do you want to feel like the best mommy and the best wife in the whole world? Wanna be at peace with your housekeeping skills and your own morals and beliefs?

It's really SO EASY. First, watch one episode of Supernanny. Next, watch one episode of Wifeswap. Might work better if you Tivo or record them and watch them back to back, although I've found that watching them on separate nights of the week works just fine. Oh, and an occasional Dr. Phil can give you a laugh and a boost as well.

Where do they find these people? I must be so average and so incredibly normal. I always see a bit of my thinking and ways in the more conservative family and then a bit of the same in the liberal family as well. Makes me right in the middle I'd say.

Mostly, these two shows make me so sad. They keep showing parents who have their children as accessories to their lives. Not as necessities and certainly not priorities. Parents that are never home or if they are home pay no attention to these little people.

And these parents who don't discipline their children ... in any way ... not even in a bad way! I guarantee you my two year old would be tied up in his room before he'd hit me or scream at me ... more than once. (Don't take me so literally ... no bondage around here.)

My jaw drops open when a parent complains about their kids watching too much television or "demanding" a different meal from the rest of the family. Are you kidding me? Our T.V. would be at the curb before my children watching it ran rampant. And demands? My four year old has never "demanded" I do anything. Gee, what would I do? I certainly wouldn't agree to comply!!

I'm young in my motherhood, just recently being blessed with a second little one. I don't claim to be all knowing when it comes to raising kids, but GIVE ME A BREAK. These aren't the difficult issues. I fear for teen years but I'm really hoping the smooth sailing now will evolve into a less than tumultuous young adulthood.

These most precious lives and souls are in our hands. Don't take it for granted, not even for a second.

We're all imperfect and striving to do better I'd say. If we weren't, what would God do all day? He'd be out of a job. I know for certain He's still working on me. - Lesa

"It is at our mother's knee that we acquire our noblest and truest and highest ideals." - Mark Twain

"The decision to have a child is to accept that your heart will forever walk about outside of your body." - Katherine Hadley

Birthday of My Motherhood

For Sweet Trini Love ... in her favorite color of purple!

There was a magazine article I stumbled across a few years back, before I became a mother. The woman talked of how each time her oldest child celebrated a birthday she had her own celebration. She celebrated the beginning of her motherhood. That made such an impression on me.

Today as my oldest child celebrated 4 years of life, I too took time to celebrate and reflect on the miracle of loving and growing children.

As she told me how smart and "intelliget" her friend Julia is, I was so proud these words were in her vocabulary. She recognizes all of her ABC's and can count to 20 most of the time. She knows every word to The Little Mermaid II by Heart. She is eager for learning time every day. She is my daughter and she is amazing.

As she snuggled up next to me for our cuddle time before bed, I couldn't help but be incredibly thankful that this little person loves me and values our time together. I cherish the days that she still wants to curl up in my lap and be swaddled by the warmth of my arms for I know these days will pass all too soon.

She changed my life. She was the first thing in my life I couldn't quit. I have never once regretted or resented becoming a mother. I came across a song a few months ago, just after her little brother arrived. I had never heard it before but it was love at first listen. I can't hear it without tearing up and I can't sing it without crying. It goes something like this:

"In my daughter's eyes, I am a hero
I am strong and wise and I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see, she was sent to rescue me
I see who I want to be, in my daughter's eyes.

In my daughter's eyes, everyone is equal
Darkness turns to light, and the world is at peace
This miracle God gave to me, gives me strength when I am weak
I find reason to believe, in my daughter's eyes.

And when she wraps her hand around my finger
Oh it puts a smile in my heart
Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what life is all about
It's hanging on when you're heart has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up
I've seen the light, it's in my daughter's eyes.

In my daughter's eyes, I can see the future
A reflection of who I am and what will be
And though she'll grow and someday leave
And maybe raise a family
When I'm gone I hope you'll see how happy she made me
For I'll be there, in my daughter's eyes."

The day I heard this song, Will had been crying all day long. As a mother it's not even a job or a duty or even our responsibility to "hang on when we've had enough" or to "give more when we feel like giving up". It just is. This just equals motherhood.

I am so blessed to be among the mothers who've gone before me. The women who've known the pleasure that children bring; the women who've hung on and given more. I thank God for teaching me how to be this kind of human being. He's given me the perseverance that only a mother knows.

I still have my weaknesses but through my children I grow and change and hopefully become a little bit better of a human being every day. It's the best way I can think of to grow. Thank goodness He's still working on me through my precious little angels. - Lesa

"Never did God show such love as when He placed you in my arms and said,

'Woman, behold thy daughter.' "

- Author Unknown

Crossroads in the Hallway

I can't give you a date, not even the time of day, but I will never forget the moment reality set in for me during my third pregnancy, before my second child was born.

I was coming out of our daughter's newly renovated "big girl room" and I paused in the hallway as I looked straight ahead. It ocurred to me then and there as I stared into my "well on his way" son's room that I was the mother of two.

This was the childrens' wing (in our 1700 sq. ft. house). Children ... that was plural! It hit me with such joy, something so simple. Two bedrooms of our home were devoted for the earthly loves of our lives!

The magnitude of the incredible blessings we had and were receiving resonated within me at that moment. At the same time the scope of the responsibility we were being handed overwhelmed me!

How was I worthy of this honor? How could I ever repay such love and trust?

Sometimes as Will goes through a bout of tears, I feel guilty for ever feeling annoyed or helpless. Lately my defense mechanism against such feelings has been to repeat over and over, "You're my little gift from God!" It makes such a difference and I rock him and smile at him with so much love.

Repayment? Simple in terms, more difficult in practice. Raise these little people to be servants of God. Teach them His love, His ways, His Word, His will. Pray for them and over them and most importantly with them.

People always think Trini is talking during public prayers. Well, usually she is. She talks to her Heavenly Father! She prays over big things and little things and rarely ever selfish things. She thinks to pray way before I do. She's so amazing. And she's quick to tell you God is a really good god! As a Christian and as a mother, what more could I want for and from my almost four year old?

She's an example for me and I learn from her every day. And Will, he's producing my patience and my surrender. Some things are out of my hands. I try to remember that, "This too shall pass," and "That which does not kill us makes us stronger."

These precious days and precious moments will be gone far too soon and I choose to cherish them, even the rough ones, with all my heart. God has entrusted these moments to me and He's not far away. He's within earshot of Will and knows my woes. He'll give me what I need to grow as a Christian, a mother, a friend, and a wife. Heaven knows I'm not perfect. Thank goodness He's still working on me. - Lesa

"Be the most you can be, so life will be more because you were."

~ Susan Glaspell ~

Position Filled?

Lonesome and bonkers m/w/f in Deer Park, TX, seeking friendly and fun female anywhere within a 30 mile or so radius for a base starting position of aquaintance status with promotion to vice-best friend or assistant best friend in the near future a strong possibility.

I had decided that's how the ad would read. Or something like that ... But I guess I should begin this story by backing up to the events of November, 2004. Or maybe further than that.

We moved to Texas in July 2001 from Crossett, Arkansas, where we had been terribly mis-transplanted for five years. I left with no regrets save one. I had to leave my best friend April behind.

I met her in 1998 and soon discovered we'd gone to high school about 60 miles apart from each other in Texas. It didn't take long to see the makings of a great friendship was there. We seemed to coax each other through day after day in the town the world forgot.

We've only seen each other four times since my family moved three and a half years ago. Sure, we're only a phone call away. And of course when we get together it's like we've never been apart. But the days that hang in the balance between these visits are shadowed with a void that can only be understood by someone who has a long distance best friend.

This passed November April came to visit me. She was here for two nights and I cried for two days after she left. I finally realized just how lonely I had been. I missed having someone to run out to lunch with or go shopping with or just hang out with. I missed having the hugs and together time a local friendship affords.

I told myself then that I had to do something differently. I had to let down some walls and start making some connections with people close by or I was going to remain miserable. Secretly I wanted to seek, not a new best friend for that position is filled all too well, but at least an assistant best friend. And the title mattered.

I didn't want just an aquaintance. No buddy or pal would do. Best friend quality was the desired characteristic. Well, if you aren't in junior high and you aren't a member of any elite social clubs, your options are really limited as to how to go about aquiring such a friend.

I am blessed to be part of a large church family where so much potential in this area lies. But what do you do? Is it appropriate to walk up to someone and let them know you're in the market for an assistant best friend? Is that desperate? Is that offensive?

Well, today I made it to day 11 in "The Purpose Driven Life". As always, He speaks to me. The title of the chapter was, "Becoming Best Friends With God". Surprisingly I found a great deal of joy in just the idea of it. I mean who on earth, literally, would make a better best friend? He can comfort and console, advise and counsel, listen and love, and quite literally read my mind. Problem solved. Position Filled.

In all fairness I have to admit that I have a long way to go on this. It isn't as easy as it sounds. It actually feels a little strange to even think about it if I'm being honest. But it was an obvious signal of just how in touch with the needs of my heart my Heavenly Father truly is.

Now girls, having said that, I would still really like a close girlfriend to gab with now and then. I need some adult connections in this world of diapers and baby talk I'm tumbling through right now. So if a more part time position would suit your needs as well, let's talk! Benefits are full time.

In the meantime, I'm uttering "breath prayers" during the day to build up this most important relationship of all. Today's was, "You are my God". I think maybe tomorrow's will be, "My God, my friend."

He'll have me in all my imperfectionism (is that a word?). His grace reaches even me and His forgiveness that I am in no way worthy of is astounding. Even if comprehension of the magnitude of this friendship is beyond me, He'll love me anyway. He is the perfect friend and He'll be there when no one else will. Can I reciprocate? I have hopes to ... Thank Heavens He's still working on me! - Lesa

"Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway."

- Family Circle

"Day"zed and Amused

My sweet hubby didn't ask for much for Christmas. He rarely does. But if what he asks for is within my ability to aquire, I do my best to fill his grown up Christmas list!

This year he asked for a "Baby Blues" daily desk calendar. With our new little one afoot he has found great humor in this very simple comic strip. I just had to oblige.

I went to www.half.com and quickly found a calendar for sale for a great price. With immense speed and much efficiency very early in December I purchased, paid for, and eagerly awaited his gift to arrive. I was so pleased with myself and couldn't wait for when he'd open it on Christmas Day.

The package arrived a week or so later and I thought it felt awfully big for a desk calendar. Initially I got concerned that it was some gargantuan sized, freaky-weird type calendar I had purchased. But then, I opened the package. There was indeed a regular sized desk calendar inside ... FOUR OF THEM!

I got excited thinking I had REALLY gotten a great deal. Went and looked at the sale site and sure enough, it said four. I had missed that when I made the purchase. Luckily no mistake had been made and everything was as it was supposed to be.

I decided almost instantly that I would auction on ebay the extra three. They had been going for much more on ebay than what I paid. I could get him something extra with the profits I thought.

It wasn't until I began typing in the description of the calendars that reality finally set in. I thought about crying but I had to just laugh. I was the proud owner of FOUR Baby Blues desk calendars for 2004. Yep, these calendars were good for about 3 more weeks.

I couldn't tell Mark because I didn't want him to know I was planning and trying to get one for him. But the humor of it was fully realized on Christmas morning when I told him my nifty little error. We laughed and laughed and now I have a comic strip to send to every one I know. Actually, I probably have enough to send to every person I've ever even met! 1,460 comic strips to be exact!

Haste will get you every time. I know it gets me every time. Oh well, thank goodness He's still working on me! - Lesa

"Don't complain how the ball bounces after you dropped it."

~ Jack Bradford

C.B.C.L. Anonymous

C.B.C.L. Anonymous ... the new support group I'm starting. I don't know, maybe it's more like a social club. Chocolate Bliss Cookie Lovers Anonymous is what it is!

That's right. My name is Lesa and I'm a chocolate bliss cookie addict. Chocoholic. Blissoholic. Cookieholic. I'm hooked!

Okay Deana Nall ... I'm outing you too. Deana was my original "dealer". (Although I'm not sure if she is a user as well.) She brought a batch to my Christmas party this year. I had sweet, blissful dreams that night.

I was so concerned! I wondered how many parties I would have to throw so she could bring more? I wondered if it would seem odd to call her up to see if she had any just sitting around? (In other words I wanted to know if she had a "stash"?) I thought I could offer to pay her for them. We could even meet somewhere to make the swap; or is it a drop? A parking lot perhaps or maybe a dark alley.

Thankfully I quickly learned the tricks of her trade. I found the recipe and actually had success in creating my own. I have my own "cookie house" where I can be the dealer now. I can search for poor, unsuspecting closet addicts and reel 'em in hook, line, and sinker.

Funny how sinister you can make something with BLISS in the title sound!

On a more serious note though I've really been proud of myself in spite of this new found "crush". I've been applying Weigh Down Workshop principles to my eating for a few weeks now and God is really working on me. (Even with C.B.C.'s in the house.)

I did have a funny moment earlier this evening though. I was heading for bed and realized I had not put up today's freshly baked "inventory". (That's cookies.) I started placing them in storage containers (no, not baggies) and got a little chocolate on my finger.

Now, I had already resigned myself to no more food tonight until I felt hunger pangs. I was still full from dinner and didn't require any more food. Well, have you ever seen "Finding Nemo"? Are you familiar with the scene where the shark gets a little whiff of blood and goes bezerk?

When I tasted that chocolate from the quick little swipe I gave my finger I swear I felt like that shark! I mean that whole scene immediately came to mind. I stuffed those cookies in those tubs and I bolted from the kitchen with great resolve to "stay clean and sober". Oh, but it was tough.

I'm trying hard to seek comfort in my Heavenly Father. Sometimes I forget what an incredible comforter He is. I've been so sick this week and I have really wanted to turn to food but I'm finally putting all the pieces together with a little help from above. Food is not the answer ... even if it does take the form of C.B.C.'s.

I started reading, "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren yesterday. It was the "perfect gift" from my little sister Kara this Christmas. In two days it has already started to turn my thinking around and I think that's so cool! I'm hard-headed and stubborn so it's a bit more like a miracle!

So I'll take it one day at a time, one cookie at a time if I have too. A transformation now will only bring healing and heaps of blessings. I know He's cheering for me. I don't know if I had looked at it that way before today. He's a cheerleader too. That's kind of cool.

And I'll have to "journal my journey" through this book here on my blog. I think I'm in for quite a ride. Luckily I know the driver or I'm at least getting to know Him. He makes pit stops when needed and even handles most of the maintenance. He'll keep the engine tuned and purring and I'll trust Him to take care of it all. After all, He's still working on me! - Lesa

"Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to McDonald's makes you a hamburger."

- Author Unknown

What Child is This?

I've been looking for titles of Christmas songs that would fit or could be finagled into the title of a post. This one sounded good today.

Will cries ... a lot. I have a policy about not letting a newborn cry for more than 10-15 minutes at a time. So, I don't get much done on the days when he cries. And those days far outnumber the quieter ones.

I was prepared for the lack of sleep a newborn brings. Actually, I wasn't as prepared as I thought. With Trini I could nap during the day when she was sleeping. You can't do that with a second child because the older one is there. However, the loss of sleep really hasn't been that bad.

The days it hits the hardest are the days filled with tears. (Which happen to be the days he cries too.) (Did you catch that?) Those days are rough. I'm surprised Trini, our dogs and myself haven't formed some kind of "gone crazy secret cult".

Actually, I think the two bigger dogs are terrorizing one of the neighbors dogs through the fence in the backyard. I saw Simba looking through a hole in the fence the other day and he just seemed to be plotting something big. But that's another story ...

What child is this? I was not prepared for the crying. Maybe I just never put Trinity down that much because I didn't have another child to take care of. Maybe I didn't have anything else in the world to do. Something tells me that's not it though.

Some days he just cries. He's fed, well fed I might add. He's freshly changed. He's been de-gasified with mylicon drops. He's swaddled up which still seems to make him very happy. There seems to be no reason for the tears. Sometimes even being held doesn't silence him. Nursing always does though. Luckily we've never had a spell that nursing wouldn't calm.

Lately he has been sleeping better at night. And, a recent development is him sleeping in his room. He's still in his carseat most of the time but he has made it to his room. I don't know how I feel about that. He's only three months old. I think I still have the need to keep him close. His needs are above mine, but I have to know as well that he doesn't need to be close to me. I'm not convinced of that yet.

He does end up in his swing in our room sometime during the night. And I always sleep a little better knowing he's nearby. He's my miracle, my gift from God. Tears or not I absolutely adore him and I am so thankful to have a son.

So I'll keep putting off all those daunting household tasks and errands and forward items in my planner to days ahead. I'll hold him when he needs it and comfort him when he cries. And when I complain I'll remember that I chose motherhood and God granted me the greatest blessing on earth. I know I'll forget on those most challenging days, but God will keep me in check. He has a way of doing that. After all, He's still working on me. - Lesa

"Mother love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible."

- Marion C. Garretty

Childbirth: Pain vs. Brutality

My son is 3 months old now. Gone are a lot of the pains of his birth, but there are some scars, unseen, that remain still.

Getting stuck twice for blood tests, twice for an IV, and twice for an epiduryl all in one morning is painful. Not being able to hold your tiny, newborn son is brutal.

Having adhesive tape remove every little hair on your arm along with some skin is painful. Hearing a baby cry in the hospital room next to yours while your baby is hooked up to a machine on the other side of the hospital is brutal.

Walking around with an incision across your tummy, feeling like a vital organ or two will surely fall out is painful. Watching another mother being discharged with a blue bundle in her arms as you are leaving empty handed is brutal.

Getting into a vehicle after having a C-section is painful. Looking back at the hospital while driving away in a vehicle with an empty carseat, knowing you will be miles away from your baby that came to this place inside of you; that is brutal.

There are some things that are as fresh in my mind as they were 3 months ago. In the big picture we were very lucky. Will could have had so many other complications. He could have been one of those tiny beings that were in the NICU for months on end. But that one week he was there, my life stood still. The world stopped turning.

His first five days of life were in solitude without the comfort and warmth of my arms. His first nourishment wasn't found snuggled up to me but so very coldly through a plastic tube. His room, crib, swing, and bassinet stood empty for three days we were home without him.

It was a lesson in patience and humility. I am not the driver on this road of life even though I sure can manage to muck things up with my backseat driving skills. God's mercy is faithful and His ways are mysterious. I'm forever changed by all that we endured.

I'm sure now and then I'll forget who's in control. I'll try to take over as I do too often in my life with other things. But He'll remind me, gently or firmly, whichever is needed. His reminders are necessary and I will wise up eventually. After all, He's still working on me. - Lesa

"The stars are always shining but often we do not see them until the dark hours." - Earl Riney

Jungle Bells

That's right! No typo! It's a jungle around here. All day long I hear screeches that can be mistaken for any number of jungle animals. I hear monkeys for sure. Panthers or cheetahs join in. I could have sworn I heard some sort of elephant call today too. Between a newborn who cries more than anything else and a 3 year old with a very vivid imagination, you never know what you'll hear around these parts. No jingles lately.

In the past I was always so prepared for the holidays and for Christmas in particular. This year I had all of my Christmas cards addressed by the end of August. Okay, so as I mentioned in a previous post I was on bedrest for several weeks before our son was born. But truthfully I had planned to get that done ahead of time because I knew this year would be busier than usual. Or at least more of my time would be devoted to a new baby and keeping his big sister from going postal from the lack of attention.

Well, here I am, warts and all. I never feel like I give him or her enough time. Poor hubby gets even less attention. (I surely hope he doesn't begin sucking his thumb and crying when he wants to be held.) And my house resembles more of a warzone today than a Winter Wonderland.

I can't seem to find a place for everything anymore. We did bring only one child home from the hospital, right? I feel like I wander around all day long trying to figure out where to start. I find myself pondering things such as ... to put decorations out that are on the coffee table, I'd have to find a home for the dense fog of items on my kitchen counter. And some of those things are projects in the works, but not ones that need to be finished before the one on my craft table. And well, my craft table has acquired a few new items of its own. Some of which need to go on the coffee table. Wait, where was I again?

This has all taken 10-15 minutes which is about the baby's max on remaining quiet in any one given location. So by the time I quiet him down and try to get back to the task at hand, the task is lost ... out to sea in an ocean of homeless items that clutter my home and in turn my mind!

I washed a load of dishes today. And a load of clothes. Both children and myself were dressed. Well, one child insisted that remaining in her princess nightgown for the ball she was going to counted as "being dressed". It seemed logical to me so she remained in it all day. My house and endless projects keep beckoning and I suppose I'll get to it all someday. Or at least some of it all day. Wait, where was I again?

I did snuggle with Trinity today. And I napped while Will had his hourly snack and wiggled in my arms. And I read The Little Mermaid for the 811th time ... and did the voices and sound effects. Guess I did okay after all. And tomorrow will be better. After all, He's still working on me! - Lesa

"If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what's an empty desk the sign of?" - Joe Bayly