Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Crossroads in the Hallway

I can't give you a date, not even the time of day, but I will never forget the moment reality set in for me during my third pregnancy, before my second child was born.

I was coming out of our daughter's newly renovated "big girl room" and I paused in the hallway as I looked straight ahead. It ocurred to me then and there as I stared into my "well on his way" son's room that I was the mother of two.

This was the childrens' wing (in our 1700 sq. ft. house). Children ... that was plural! It hit me with such joy, something so simple. Two bedrooms of our home were devoted for the earthly loves of our lives!

The magnitude of the incredible blessings we had and were receiving resonated within me at that moment. At the same time the scope of the responsibility we were being handed overwhelmed me!

How was I worthy of this honor? How could I ever repay such love and trust?

Sometimes as Will goes through a bout of tears, I feel guilty for ever feeling annoyed or helpless. Lately my defense mechanism against such feelings has been to repeat over and over, "You're my little gift from God!" It makes such a difference and I rock him and smile at him with so much love.

Repayment? Simple in terms, more difficult in practice. Raise these little people to be servants of God. Teach them His love, His ways, His Word, His will. Pray for them and over them and most importantly with them.

People always think Trini is talking during public prayers. Well, usually she is. She talks to her Heavenly Father! She prays over big things and little things and rarely ever selfish things. She thinks to pray way before I do. She's so amazing. And she's quick to tell you God is a really good god! As a Christian and as a mother, what more could I want for and from my almost four year old?

She's an example for me and I learn from her every day. And Will, he's producing my patience and my surrender. Some things are out of my hands. I try to remember that, "This too shall pass," and "That which does not kill us makes us stronger."

These precious days and precious moments will be gone far too soon and I choose to cherish them, even the rough ones, with all my heart. God has entrusted these moments to me and He's not far away. He's within earshot of Will and knows my woes. He'll give me what I need to grow as a Christian, a mother, a friend, and a wife. Heaven knows I'm not perfect. Thank goodness He's still working on me. - Lesa

"Be the most you can be, so life will be more because you were."
~ Susan Glaspell ~

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Position Filled?

Lonesome and bonkers m/w/f in Deer Park, TX, seeking friendly and fun female anywhere within a 30 mile or so radius for a base starting position of aquaintance status with promotion to vice-best friend or assistant best friend in the near future a strong possibility.

I had decided that's how the ad would read. Or something like that ... But I guess I should begin this story by backing up to the events of November, 2004. Or maybe further than that.

We moved to Texas in July 2001 from Crossett, Arkansas, where we had been terribly mis-transplanted for five years. I left with no regrets save one. I had to leave my best friend April behind.

I met her in 1998 and soon discovered we'd gone to high school about 60 miles apart from each other in Texas. It didn't take long to see the makings of a great friendship was there. We seemed to coax each other through day after day in the town the world forgot.

We've only seen each other four times since my family moved three and a half years ago. Sure, we're only a phone call away. And of course when we get together it's like we've never been apart. But the days that hang in the balance between these visits are shadowed with a void that can only be understood by someone who has a long distance best friend.

This passed November April came to visit me. She was here for two nights and I cried for two days after she left. I finally realized just how lonely I had been. I missed having someone to run out to lunch with or go shopping with or just hang out with. I missed having the hugs and together time a local friendship affords.

I told myself then that I had to do something differently. I had to let down some walls and start making some connections with people close by or I was going to remain miserable. Secretly I wanted to seek, not a new best friend for that position is filled all too well, but at least an assistant best friend. And the title mattered.

I didn't want just an aquaintance. No buddy or pal would do. Best friend quality was the desired characteristic. Well, if you aren't in junior high and you aren't a member of any elite social clubs, your options are really limited as to how to go about aquiring such a friend.

I am blessed to be part of a large church family where so much potential in this area lies. But what do you do? Is it appropriate to walk up to someone and let them know you're in the market for an assistant best friend? Is that desperate? Is that offensive?

Well, today I made it to day 11 in "The Purpose Driven Life". As always, He speaks to me. The title of the chapter was, "Becoming Best Friends With God". Surprisingly I found a great deal of joy in just the idea of it. I mean who on earth, literally, would make a better best friend? He can comfort and console, advise and counsel, listen and love, and quite literally read my mind. Problem solved. Position Filled.

In all fairness I have to admit that I have a long way to go on this. It isn't as easy as it sounds. It actually feels a little strange to even think about it if I'm being honest. But it was an obvious signal of just how in touch with the needs of my heart my Heavenly Father truly is.

Now girls, having said that, I would still really like a close girlfriend to gab with now and then. I need some adult connections in this world of diapers and baby talk I'm tumbling through right now. So if a more part time position would suit your needs as well, let's talk! Benefits are full time.

In the meantime, I'm uttering "breath prayers" during the day to build up this most important relationship of all. Today's was, "You are my God". I think maybe tomorrow's will be, "My God, my friend."

He'll have me in all my imperfectionism (is that a word?). His grace reaches even me and His forgiveness that I am in no way worthy of is astounding. Even if comprehension of the magnitude of this friendship is beyond me, He'll love me anyway. He is the perfect friend and He'll be there when no one else will. Can I reciprocate? I have hopes to ... Thank Heavens He's still working on me! - Lesa

"Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway."
- Family Circle

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

"Day"zed and Amused

My sweet hubby didn't ask for much for Christmas. He rarely does. But if what he asks for is within my ability to aquire, I do my best to fill his grown up Christmas list!

This year he asked for a "Baby Blues" daily desk calendar. With our new little one afoot he has found great humor in this very simple comic strip. I just had to oblige.

I went to www.half.com and quickly found a calendar for sale for a great price. With immense speed and much efficiency very early in December I purchased, paid for, and eagerly awaited his gift to arrive. I was so pleased with myself and couldn't wait for when he'd open it on Christmas Day.

The package arrived a week or so later and I thought it felt awfully big for a desk calendar. Initially I got concerned that it was some gargantuan sized, freaky-weird type calendar I had purchased. But then, I opened the package. There was indeed a regular sized desk calendar inside ... FOUR OF THEM!

I got excited thinking I had REALLY gotten a great deal. Went and looked at the sale site and sure enough, it said four. I had missed that when I made the purchase. Luckily no mistake had been made and everything was as it was supposed to be.

I decided almost instantly that I would auction on ebay the extra three. They had been going for much more on ebay than what I paid. I could get him something extra with the profits I thought.

It wasn't until I began typing in the description of the calendars that reality finally set in. I thought about crying but I had to just laugh. I was the proud owner of FOUR Baby Blues desk calendars for 2004. Yep, these calendars were good for about 3 more weeks.

I couldn't tell Mark because I didn't want him to know I was planning and trying to get one for him. But the humor of it was fully realized on Christmas morning when I told him my nifty little error. We laughed and laughed and now I have a comic strip to send to every one I know. Actually, I probably have enough to send to every person I've ever even met! 1,460 comic strips to be exact!

Haste will get you every time. I know it gets me every time. Oh well, thank goodness He's still working on me! - Lesa

"Don't complain how the ball bounces after you dropped it."
~ Jack Bradford