Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Crossroads in the Hallway

I can't give you a date, not even the time of day, but I will never forget the moment reality set in for me during my third pregnancy, before my second child was born.

I was coming out of our daughter's newly renovated "big girl room" and I paused in the hallway as I looked straight ahead. It ocurred to me then and there as I stared into my "well on his way" son's room that I was the mother of two.

This was the childrens' wing (in our 1700 sq. ft. house). Children ... that was plural! It hit me with such joy, something so simple. Two bedrooms of our home were devoted for the earthly loves of our lives!

The magnitude of the incredible blessings we had and were receiving resonated within me at that moment. At the same time the scope of the responsibility we were being handed overwhelmed me!

How was I worthy of this honor? How could I ever repay such love and trust?

Sometimes as Will goes through a bout of tears, I feel guilty for ever feeling annoyed or helpless. Lately my defense mechanism against such feelings has been to repeat over and over, "You're my little gift from God!" It makes such a difference and I rock him and smile at him with so much love.

Repayment? Simple in terms, more difficult in practice. Raise these little people to be servants of God. Teach them His love, His ways, His Word, His will. Pray for them and over them and most importantly with them.

People always think Trini is talking during public prayers. Well, usually she is. She talks to her Heavenly Father! She prays over big things and little things and rarely ever selfish things. She thinks to pray way before I do. She's so amazing. And she's quick to tell you God is a really good god! As a Christian and as a mother, what more could I want for and from my almost four year old?

She's an example for me and I learn from her every day. And Will, he's producing my patience and my surrender. Some things are out of my hands. I try to remember that, "This too shall pass," and "That which does not kill us makes us stronger."

These precious days and precious moments will be gone far too soon and I choose to cherish them, even the rough ones, with all my heart. God has entrusted these moments to me and He's not far away. He's within earshot of Will and knows my woes. He'll give me what I need to grow as a Christian, a mother, a friend, and a wife. Heaven knows I'm not perfect. Thank goodness He's still working on me. - Lesa

"Be the most you can be, so life will be more because you were."
~ Susan Glaspell ~

1 comment:

Deana Nall said...

Not long after Jenna was born I made a reference to "our daughters" and Chad said "Wow -- doesn't that sound weird?" So far, having two is really just fun -- I especially like their age difference because they are in such completely different stages. I can discuss the wonders of the universe with Julia, then walk down the hall for a game of "Where's Mommy?" with Jenna.

Jenna went through that crying phase at first and our doc gave us prescription gas drops. That's when our evenings started getting better. Chad is unbelievably patient and even he was starting to have thoughts that CPS would have frowned upon.

I think God puts us through these times to prepare us to minister to others. Twenty years from now, you'll run across a bleary-eyed new mom (hey, it could be Trinity) and you can tell her, "I've been there and I survived it and you will, too."