Saturday, May 26, 2007
With Trinity's accident, it has finally hit me. We are far away from our friends and family. Nothing has felt so bad that I've thought I'd just rather go back to Texas. On the contrary actually. I really love it here in the Grand Valley. Every day is just a blessing with God's wonders and creativity around us.
The emotional part of it is getting to me. I was happy about the move. I was glad for a change, I was excited to start things over. I adore our new house and have worked hard to make it a home. I felt all along that God was leading us here. So it was and is a good thing.
I'm just ... emotional.
So, I started reading a wonderful book last night called "After the Boxes Are Unpacked: Moving on After Moving In". (I don't know how to underline on here.) God sent it to me. I read about it in a Christian magazine last month and ordered it immediately. Advertising pays off, what can I say.
The first thing I've assigned myself to do is to start assigning loved ones to each day of the month to pray for. So, I'm using the calendar on our family yahoo group to document who I'll be praying for. Basically family, my friends and their kids and maybe even their spouses. The idea of it made me feel better. What better way to stay connected and to be close in thought than to have a loved one in my daily prayers?
So, who knows! You may be seeing your name in my prayers before long. I would like to at least send an email or a little postcard to those that aren't internet savvy to let them know I've prayed for them. We'll see how that goes. I'm excited to give this a try.
Friday, May 25, 2007
As we were driving home from her orthopaedic doctor's office on Tuesday, we passed another doctor's office that was an association of Orthopedic Physicians. Say what?? I was more confused than ever.
Enter old Mr. Webster. Apparently, mankind in all of its wisdom has decided the specialty can be spelled either way. ???? ???? ????
So then I began asking myself about her doctor, "Why would you add the 'a' if you were a doctor in this world trying to make money off of simple minded people?" I mean everything in me says there should not be an "a" in this word. Memories of spelling lists and rules from early school years still ring in my ears.
So as it turns out I was right to begin with, and to end with. What an aggravation. Just in case you ever wanted to know, that's the story on the difference or lack thereof between these two words.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Although I had seen a snippet or two at my Grandma's house once or twice, I had never once watched this show before Rosie joined the cast. It seemed kind of mindless or gossip-ish to me and I had better things to do with my time. However, I have really grown to enjoy the show! I watch on our DVR every day after my daily devotional while my children are having rest time.
Over the last couple of months I've come to believe that my husband thinks that I think that the four ladies who co-host the show are real, actual friends of mine. He comes home from work and I'm saying things like, "Rosie and Elisabeth argued today." "Joy makes me laugh, she's so funny." "Barbara keeps us all happily together."
I keep waiting for him to say, "Honey, you know they aren't really your friends, right?"
Cut me some slack. We moved almost 3 months ago and I don't have any real friends here yet. These ladies keep me connected with the world outside of my home and I feel like my mind and my perspective have grown because of it.
So, that leads me to the obvious, at least to those of you who are fans of the show. They had it out yesterday. My Rosie ... and that Elisabeth girl. I hate when you see an argument and you understand where the process of communication has broken down but you are outside of the situation and can't do anything but watch, helplessly.
I have to say that I do actually agree with many of Rosie's political views and opinions. I love that she has her own thoughts and isn't afraid to put it all out there. She does get emotional but it is because she so deeply believes in what she has to say.
Elisabeth, on the other hand, doesn't seem to have too many original thoughts of her own. It seems like every word that comes from her mouth is just something she's repeating from one of her little news shows the night before. I also feel like she has a little growing up to do.
I liken her comments to a young adult who has just left home. Perhaps they've been raised in a church going family and we'll say they are rather conservative. Those young adults will often spout beliefs that actually belong to their parents, or sometimes even their church. They don't say these things necessarily because that is their pure opinion on the matter but because that's all they've ever heard or been exposed to and to them that's the way it is.
I feel like Elisabeth can't always see the big picture. I'm not okay with 18 innocent people being arrested with no charges even if it means catching 7 guilty people. I mean, if I was one of the 18 I would be angry and no amount of political rhetoric or polishing over would cool me down. I don't want my phone calls tapped. If I want to talk about personal things to my best friend, then by golly they should be doggone PERSONAL.
I don't mean to start a political debate here amongst the maybe two people who occasionally read my blog. I've just been stewing about this and this is my venting source.
Another thing I find interesting and extremely pathetic, especially from the more conservative, Christian professing souls is how people who want to criticize Rosie don't say, "She's wrong about the President because ..." They don't say, "I disagree with her opinion about gun control because ..." They start screaming about her being fat, loud, or gay. This has to do with her political opinions how? Oh, and those things somehow make her stupid as well. If you're going to disagree folks, let's back it up with some facts and opinions. Smarten up!
Ya know, as much as I disagree with some of Elisabeth's more conservative views, I'm actually open minded enough to see that her being on the show is good and even a necessity. Diversity could not be embraced or displayed if everyone on the show were to think alike. I would maybe like to see an educated, possibly politically involved woman in Elisabeth's place, even if her views were quite the same. I think that would make for great discussions and debates and we can all only benefit from such.
So, now you know. I love my Rosie. I thought it was time I came out. I have many other personality quirks that I'm sure would throw you for a loop but we'll let it rest here for today. Enough to digest I know. Just wanted to share what was going on with my friends, uh-um, I mean my favorite daytime show.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Week 1 - 5 1/2
Week 2 + 1/2
Week 3 - 4
Week 4 No weigh in - at hospital with Trinity
Week 5 + 2 1/2
Total weight loss: - 6 1/2 lbs.
I'm feeling so much better about things. The scale was lower today than it has been in a long time. I have high hopes for Saturday morning.Spiritual Jewels:
Even though the scale clearly reflects some back paddling, I felt very good about week 5. Going through Trinity's accident was very hard for me. I had to pull myself up by the boot straps and take inventory. Without any family around and even having to have Mark absent a good bit, it was rely on God or else.
As bad as the situation was and as alone (in earthly terms) as I felt, it was a truly rewarding Spiritual experience. For once in my life I didn't consume food to hide from the worry and the stress of the situation. Even if that meant cutting off my food portions because I knew the volume was too much, not because I didn't WANT TO EAT MORE, because I did. But I trusted God to keep comforting me and He really did.
I had a hard time praying, formally so to speak. When I'm caught up in these situations, I often can't find the words. Little more than, "Father, I need Your help," or, "Father, take care of her." Whispered prayers of this nature were all I could muster for awhile and for the first time in my life, that felt like enough. I think I've come a long way.
This time had to morph and change a little based on what I was able to do for a few days there and based on what I had in me to offer to the Lord for several days since. There were a few days I couldn't do anything. A few days I could only reflect on my one daily verse. And then I've started adding my Psalm reading back in as well. It isn't back up to full steam but again, I feel okay about it. This is the least guilty I've ever felt, and yet the more eager to resume my NORM.
Main course portions are my main struggle. I am allowing myself to have sweets. Deprivation is not part of this plan. I don't go overboard with those. But I have a hard time getting smaller portions of my meal. I refuse myself seconds, which is good, but still need less to start with.
Blessing My Heart:
This fell to the way side when I was at the hospital with Trinity. She's been sleeping in our room and so I haven't wanted to get up early to walk because I didn't want to wake her up. She's going back into her room tonight so perhaps tomorrow I'll get back on track ... or back on the treadmill.
Please pray for Trini's arm to continue to heal well. Her x-rays looked good yesterday as well as her incisions and pins. She likes the new cast so far and she likes me a little better now too. Pray for healing and no permanent damage.
My step-dad's father, Ed Fleming, is in real bad shape in a hospital in Oklahoma. He's dying. I don't know if anyone has really said that out loud. He's had a bad stroke and several small ones and now the main artery that supplies to his brain is closed off. He has a feeding tube in his stomach but that is having complications as well.
My cousin Jenny's son, Chase, has a heart condition that is probably going to require him to have heart surgery with the insertion of a pacemaker. Chase is an active 11 year old so pray he will have a quick recovery and be able to resume the things he loves to do.
Join me in thanking our Heavenly Father for beginning to deliver me from overeating and overweight.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
The front door opened and Mark's voice said, "Mom, she's hurt."
I looked at Trini who was calm and very quiet and started to say I would get the band aids, but Mark interrupted with, "I think her arm is broken." You could have knocked me over with a feather.
I have gone over and over that very moment in my mind since it happened. It was surreal. I couldn't believe it was even possible that I had heard him correctly. Broken? My baby? What? He later said maybe it was just dislocated or something but we were too far gone at that point.
I got the first aid kit and looked for something to splint her arm with. There was no blood thank heavens; not even a scrape or a scratch. Mark walked back down the street to get the bikes and our mail which had been strewn out during her fall.
We very quickly and with little discomfort to her, (tons to me) got her arm splinted. We headed out the door for the ER at St. Mary's Hospital. I was dreading the experience but I have to say it went very well.
The triage nurse evaluated her almost immediately and ordered her x-rays. We waited maybe 10 minutes for the person to take us back for that. This young lady had no business working with my child. It is my opinion that she had never x-rayed a broken limb on a conscious person before. She told us to bend Trini's arm and I have to believe that she could tell from the look on my face that her intelligence was seriously in question at that point. I simply stated, "That just isn't going to happen."
Then we were back to the waiting room for maybe 10-15 minutes when they came to get us and put her in an ER room. There we sat for quite awhile. The nurse took her vitals and tried to get her comfortable. Mark and I decided at that point he would take Will on home. Just before he left a young, female doctor came in. She was really sweet and verified the left arm was broken just above the elbow. She said they had sent the x-rays to the orthopaedic surgeon on call and he would let them know how he wanted to proceed.
The supervising doctor came in to evaluate her and told us he really thought we were looking at surgery that night. Then he said the surgeon was on his way in.
The surgeon walked in the room and started barking at people, including me. I finally asked, "And you are who?" He hadn't bothered to introduce himself. He did have them get her on the gurney/bed that was in the room which I was glad for. She'd been in a wheel chair most of the time. He was the first to evaluate that she had no feeling in her hand nor did she have a pulse in the wrist on that arm.
He told me what all was about to happen. The surgery could be 2-5 hours. He told me what repairs might be necessary. Then he told them to go ahead and get a better splint on her.
I immediately turned to him and requested, "If y'all are going to fool with her arm at all, could you please sedate her because she's been hurt enough already?"
He said, "I'm not going to fool with her arm."
This puzzled me since I knew they were putting a splint on it. They started and off course, my sweet angel began crying and I comforted her as best I could. I was livid. Once he was done I said, "Just to be clear, her crying right now is why I asked you to sedate her."
He fumbled for a moment for a reply and spouted off something about not wanting any more sedation than necessary with her going into surgery. Jerk. I'm being very nice with that.
Soon they were wheeling her upstairs to the surgery prep area. There she was, lying on a bed almost too short for her. Her long curls up in pig tails that we'd fought over getting up in ties that very morning. Her favorite pink crocs worn from daily wear clutched in my hand. Was this really happening?
Every time I would start to worry about her I would almost feel guilty. My cousin Jenny is looking at her son having heart surgery this summer. I thought about her all weekend long. This little problem was so minor compared to that. But this was my baby, my first baby. I was scared for her nervousness and for the recovery I knew that was ahead of her.
I told the anesthesiologist that this was one of the smartest kids he'd ever work with. He smiled. He was so nice. I told him to tell her what was going on. I told him that her knowing what was about to happen would relax her while not knowing what was happening would freak her out. He acknowledged, at least enough to pacify a mother who was not ready to let go.
I could tell from the look of the nurse that she didn't want to tell me it was time. So I leaned over and kissed my baby. I told her, "God has it all under control."
My crowning glory moment as a mother came in that instant. My baby said, "Of course He does Mommy."
Out the doors we went her to the right, me to the left. I kept my eyes on her until the cold doors of the OR shut behind her. She was gone from my sight and she really was in the Lord's hands. Every ounce of fear, worry, and empathy for her hit me at that moment. I burst into tears and feared my legs wouldn't hold me. I leaned to the wall for support and let the tears flow, alone.
I tried to move forward and calm myself a bit and then the nurse went and done it. She asked, "You have family coming to wait with you?" She only thought I had cried before.
In the next ten seconds she found out we had just relocated from Texas, had no family nearby and had a 2 year old at home my husband was with. She had no idea what can of worms she had opened up. Nor what flood of tears would follow.
I called Mark at 10:54. We quickly decided he would call the girl we had "selected" to eventually be our babysitter. Her name is Abbey, she's 23 and one of our elder's daughters. He called her and she was there within 20 minutes. Mark was thankfully able to come sit with me while we waited for the surgery to conclude. Praise be to God. It made all the difference.
She came out of surgery around 2:30 a.m. They had given us 2 update calls during that time. The surgeon came out and told us she'd done well. He'd made two incisions and inserted two pins. He'd restored her pulse and nerve function as well but wanted to keep checking that throughout the weekend so she'd be in the hospital until Sunday.
He is an older gentleman who has clearly seen many, many patients. He said it wasn't the worst break he'd ever seen in that location but it was definitely number three or four. When Brassette kids do it they do it right. With that train of thought we expect great things from her little brother. We thought about asking the surgeon if he gave discounts for multiple kids or if he could reserve time for Will in advance.
The nurse soon came to take us to the recovery room and there she was. My precious little angel. A little person that would still be one of my most favorite people in the whole world even if she wasn't my flesh and blood. A person with such a capacity to love and with such a good heart that even I in all my humanness haven't been able to mess it up yet.
We were in a room by 3:30 am and Mark headed home a little after 4. She woke up around 5 wanting to go potty and went almost every hour after that. Everything went smoothly in the hospital. They took good care of her and she was paroled on Sunday as scheduled.
Another great moment for me, as a mom, was in the wee hours of Sunday morning she was having a hard time falling asleep. She was uncomfortable in the hospital bed and both of her arms were aching, one from the break and one from the IV. After an hour of tossing and turning and being cold then hot, I found myself uttering a whispered prayer of, "Father, just let her close her eyes."
I felt God speak to me so clearly then. He reminded me that I could play the song "Open the Eyes of My Heart Lord" on my cell phone. I whipped it out and set it going and she calmed right down. It finished once and I asked her if I could play it one more time. She said sure. Before it was done the second time through, she was snoring. My Heavenly Father is faithful. (It worked again later that morning as well!)
The story of her fall began to unfold throughout the weekend. Trini was going down a slight hill and had picked up speed. She tottered and the bounced back and forth from training wheel to training wheel until she toppled over. Mark saw it all happening. When she tried to get up she cried out. Thanks be to God that she had her helmet on.
Mark had to get Will out of the seat before he could help Trini otherwise his bike would have fallen over. They had gotten the mail and it spilled all over the road. What a mess. Even with the break, nothing was skinned or bleeding. She never really complained much about the pain or anything until after we'd been in the ER room for quite sometime. It had been about 2 1/2 hours since the fall at that point and she had been moved and x-rayed and driven around. She's a real trooper.
We left the hospital around 9:30 or 10 on Sunday morning. Mother's Day ... while the situation stank to high heaven, I have to say that it was an honor and a privilege to be taking such delicate care of my child in a way only a mother can on this day they call Mother's Day. We were weary. We were exhausted. We were glad to be home.
She's come a long way this week. She isn't taking as much pain medicine although we're giving it to her when she asks. We got her sling "blinged" up so it isn't quite so blah now. She's making a list of what all she can do with one arm and is practicing a new craft of plastic beading on forms to make ornamental decorations. It's pretty cool. She loves phone calls and has enjoyed visits from our church family here. She's even gotten a few emails from her friends in Texas and has enjoyed that a lot too!
We'll go see Dr. Friendly (HA) next Tuesday to get her hard cast put on. I've promised her I will chill out after that about her moving around. She's still in just a splint right now so I'm not willing to take any chances.
My friend Kristen said something to the effect of, "They don't call it trauma for nothing!" We don't need any more trauma or drama! We're good for now.
I've got lots of pictures posted on our family yahoo group, including her x-rays. If you haven't joined yet, email me and I'll send you and invite to join. I also put normal pictures on there from Easter, our fishing expedition and other stuffs.
Thank you so much for your prayers through this ordeal. Please continue to pray for her healing and recovery. Also that she won't fear the bike she loved to ride so much. She's already expressed having no intention of riding again. If she does ever get back on we may end up being the only people ever with a teenager who rides with training wheels!
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Being the always Christian like person that I am, I started saying, "Hurry up! Come on! Whip around me. Hurry. Hurry. Don't wait too long now." I really didn't say it very ugly at all. I was just venting. However, Trinity heard me and inquired as to who I was talking to. LOL!
(I first said,) " Don't turn around but there is a rude man who isn't driving very safely behind us. He's riding too close to us and Mommy doesn't like it."
True to form, Mr. Loop, Mr. Fruit Loop, flies on around and speeds by. I told Trini that was him and that he was getting away from us so she didn't have to worry about it.
She didn't miss a beat and piped up with, quoting her verbatim, "Dude, it's not like it's a race or anything."
I nearly swerved I laughed so hard. I sent up a little prayer for Mr. Fruit Loop/Child of God the next day. He did give me a memorable moment with my daughter at least.
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
I think I'm being much more obedient to God's will for me regarding food but I'm doing it begrudgingly. I'm waiting for that day when I don't want to disobey. Obedience is great but it seems like it would be better received if it was practiced happily. HA!
Spiritual Jewels: My prayer life. Wow. I think I thought or had convinced myself that I was praying every day before. I was wrong. What a difference a constant, on-going prayer life makes. It keeps me focused on the needs of others as well as keeping God at the center of my focus for fixing my spirit and body. I jot down prayer requests or needs on a page I designate for that in my notebook so they are right there each day when I start my devotional time.
Physical Jewels: Saturday I gave my sweets to God all day as a sacrifice of Thanksgiving for the milestone I got to. I'm not ready to announce actual numbers, I'm still dealing with some issues of shame. But I will say I haven't been this weight since I was pregnant with Will, who is now 2 1/2. So I had some celebrating to do.
Week 1 - 5 1/2 lbs.
Week 2 + 1/2 lb.
Week 3 - 4 lbs.
Total Amount of Overweight God has delivered me from - 9 lbs.
Struggles: I'm very rarely desiring food when I'm not hungry. Stopping at a reasonable satisfaction is very difficult still. It does seem to get a little easier each week for the most part though.
God Breeze: I realized this week that even when I did go a little overboard once or twice it wasn't mega overboard as in years passed. Also, one little mistake didn't have to define my whole week or even my whole day. It was a bad choice or sometimes I do accidentally mess up. It doesn't mean all of my hard work to change has to go out the window. I just wait for hunger again and do better the next time. This is a HUGE change even from the first two weeks of this effort. During those two rough weekends I would overeat. The next time I would think, "Well, I already messed up so I might as well enjoy this too," or "I can always start over again tomorrow or Monday." You get the idea. This was a really good breakthrough for me. YIPPEE!!
Blessing My Heart: I've walked for 15 minutes every morning save one since May 1. It amuses me to look at the settings on my treadmill. The recommended walking speed is 3 mph. The recommended cool down speed is 2.5 mph. I'm UP to walking 2 mph. LOL! Babysteps folks! I had to start somewhere. I've walked all over the country, including Hawaii which cracks me up, with FLYLady. And I get my little heart sticker on my calender every day that I walk.
Personal Prayer Concerns: We have a vacation coming up soon. Eating out is always a big, fun part of vacations for me. Pray that I'll focus on the joy of our family unity and time together and also focus on my hunger and fullness signals. It may be hard to find quiet time to get in the Word so pray I'll manage that as well.
You can also pray for forgiveness for me for my Robin Thicke commentary. LOL
In the last month or two I've seen singer Robin Thicke, son to Alan Thicke of "Growing Pains" fame, on at least three occasions as a guest on television shows. Oh my sweet heck! It is said he has chart topping success with his tune "Lost Without You". Say what?
The first time he started singing, I thought it was a comedy sketch I promise. Honest to goodness his voice sounds like someone trying to comically sing high or falsetto-ish. Not quite as nasal a sound as Mr. Bob Dylan but it just isn't right. Seriously, I'm waiting for Ashton Kutcher to pop out and say, "America, as a nation you've been punk'd!" It has to be some Howard Stern conspiracy to see if the powers that be can get Americans to buy or accept any load of garbage they are told is good and acceptable.
I will say that when he goes into his lower vocal range, where he sounds like an actual normal human man, it isn't half bad. But the one song he keeps singing over and over is all in that ... that ... weird voice.
They say he is one genius of a songwriter. You know what they say about those who can't sing ... yep, they write. Let's leave the vocals to the pros dude.
I'm sorry if you're a fan of his. I'm sorry that this has most likely offended you but mostly I'm sorry that there must be something very wrong with you. You should seek professional help at once.
If you haven't had the pleasure, I'd encourage you to listen to a sample of his vocal stylings at the music download section of walmart.com or the download site of your choice. It's definitely an out-of-this world experience.
In the words of Mr. Gump, "That's all I have to say about that."
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
YOU CAN'T DO THAT WITH FOOD!!!! Why does this have to be my stronghold? I honestly feel like if I could walk away from it and never have another meal, I would be far better off. But there's the growl of the tummy, which is my natural signal designed by God. I have to run back to the source of my compulsion. I can never fully escape it.
It's getting better every day but as someone who has tried and failed so many times to break the hold overeating has one me, it scares me so. It discourages me to know I can never just walk away from the culprit. I have, howver, found more hope in the last two and a half weeks than I ever have before.
- Spiritual - To consistently stay in the Word and pray
- Physical - To get my wedding rings back on
- Spiritual - To make my temple an acceptable place for God's spirit and to let God be glorified through my deliverance from overeating and overweight
- Physical - To get my body into a healthier condition and hopefully a safer state for having another child
Life is fragile, handle with prayer!
However, I was still disappointed in myself. For even if I couldn't get out of bed, I surely did not HAVE to overeat. I'm back on track now. Even the week between the weekends I did very well.
I've entered my Verse of the Day every single day, including those two weekends. I've made it through the first 37 chapters of Psalms, reading and commenting only 10 minutes a day. I've copied by hand the first 5 chapters of Isaiah and am a little ways into chapter 6, copying only 10 minutes a day. I've watched the first 3 videos of Weigh Down Advanced.
Yesterday I began walking 15 minutes a day on my treadmill. That thing is a God send for a mother of two young kids. FLYLady (www.flylady.net) kicked off a Bless Your Heart Project and I wanted to tag along. We FLYBabies enter our minutes on a counter on her website each day and for every 15 minutes we travel one mile across America. I couldn't believe all the places we got to yesterday. Of course, you have to enter your minutes to see the progress!
I'm walking for a couple of reasons. I'm not doing it for weight loss. God is delivering me from overweight in His own way and time. I know that without a doubt. I'm walking to be a part of FLYLady's program and I'm walking because I don't want to leave my soul mate and my beautiful children early because of heart disease. "Heart disease and stroke are the No. 1 and No. 3 killers of women. They are two of the many cardiovascular diseases that kill nearly 500,000 women each year. That is more than the next seven causes of death combined, including all forms of cancer." - American Heart Association
Spiritual Jewels: I've been in the Word consistently and more than I have in quite sometime. I've gone to the Lord in prayer daily.
Physical Jewels: I am losing weight. Clothes are already fitting a little better and I'm hoping my wedding rings will be back on pretty soon. I had blood work done on 4/20. My numbers were good. My diabetes was under good control and my cholesterol was 111. WOO HOO! It was over 300 early last year and still at 233 in December. It was my first good report in a long time.
Struggles: I have a hard time getting smaller portions. It's getting better, but I want to load up my plate. I don't struggle with getting seconds, so that's good. And, I need to quit thinking so much about my next opportunity to eat.
As the weekend approaches, I could use some prayers. Hopefully I won't have any "trouble issues" so just prayers for me to stay the course and keep on the right path would be great! Drop me a comment or an email if you can send up a prayer!