Blackmail or Under the Influence?

What makes someone choose chaos in their life? What makes someone choose repeatedly a person who has no reguard for anyone but themselves over others who love them and will support them?

I don't understand how someone who is mean, careless, selfish, hateful, rude, mentally unstable, let's just call it psychotic ... how can someone like this get their way all the time? How can they run all over loving, innocent people and no one ever say ENOUGH!

It must be blackmail ... or someone is being drugged to let this horrible person ruin the lives of innocent, godly, hardworking people.

Lord, bless the hearts of those I write about. Father, help them see they are making everything worse by allowing this behavior to continue, as well as harboring it and nurturing it. Father, give me the words or show me the actions needed to help heal and better this situation if indeed I can.

My Own Words Haunt Me

As of last Wednesday, August 13, I began physical therapy for intense pain I've been having in my lower back.

The first day went well. I felt sore that night but the next day I was phenomenally better. Then I went back on Friday. It was not as fun any more.

She makes me use muscles I don't have. My legs, my backside, my tummy ... my moosles don't work that way. And that night, I hurt and ached very much. The next day I felt even worse.

I told Mark last night, while I was actually feeling very well, that I didn't know if I would go back. He didn't miss a beat and reminded me of how I "encouraged" Trinity to continue her therapy for her broken arm last summer ... even though it was not fun and it was very uncomfortable for her.

Argh! He can't remember a 5 item grocery list for 15 minutes but he can pull that out of his hat from a year ago???? Not fair.

I Have Something For You

A follow up to the last post sort of.

Well, she never ... came up to me and said, "Mommy, I have something for you," followed by a great big hug. He did. I wanted to buy him a pony.

Then, a few days later I told him I wished he had something for me. He said it again, "Mommy, I have something for you."

"You do?" I asked. "What?"

"A change," he replied.

"Change to what?" I inquired.

"Change to my diaper; I have poopy."

Oh my son, you quack me up!!!!!!

If only potting training could be forced. My baby will be 4 next month. I'm ready for a break from diapies.

Well, She Never! #1

You ever hear older folks exclaim, "Well I never!" when they are shocked by certain behaviors?

Regarding my son and his older sister I shout a resounding, "Well SHE never!"

Over the years I have found myself saying this many times. Will tries all sorts of things Trinity would never try. He gets into more mischief, he is more vocal, and recently, well recently he caught me off guard.

Mark was in the garage cleaning out Lucinda while I was loading sheets into the washing machine. Will walks up and says, "There's a brown thing with a hole in it in here."

"What brown thing?" I ask.

"I don't know," he replied.

"A brown thing in where?" I ask.

"Here," he says and points to his nose.

Well, she never ... so this was a first for me. I opened the garage door and told Mark I needed his help with Will. I went to get tweezers and met Mark coming in as I was headed back to Will. I began envisioning a long wait in the ER and started plotting to find a weekend emergency clinic. Thoughts of the item, which I was now thinking was a plastic bead, entering a sinus cavity and needing emergency surgery were running through my head.

So there we stood; I with my tweezers and Mark with a suction bulb (the one we brought home from the hospital with William). Finally I worked up enough nerve and pulled the object of concern out. As it turned out it was about a half inch long, much to my surprise. It was a little plastic sleeve that covers up the little pins that hold shelves in place on cheaper furniture. What on earth?

I was on the verge of tears during the brief ordeal but also found myself giggling and shaking my head. What else can you do? Will keeps life interesting. He challenges me almost every day, but I'm determined to raise a momma's boy. He really is my mini angel man.

Random Thoughts and Reports

Random Item #1 -

Ridgway State Park was beautiful and Clyde served us well. We spent Father's Day weekend there and enjoyed every minute. To the right you'll find a picture of our campsite there. To the lower left you'll find a picture of Will enjoying his trike with God's glory rising high behind him.

Random Item #2 -

Here’s the Memo
For a good twenty years now, quite possibly longer, it has been considered quite uncool to wear black socks or even dark socks with shorts and sneakers. I thought it was common knowledge but recently I’ve noticed men of all ages trying to pull off this look. So guys, if there isn’t a woman in your life at all or if there isn’t one who loves you enough to keep you from leaving the house this way, consider this my mission of mercy. It’s your memo … your 4-1-1. Don’t commit this assault on fashion any longer.

Random Item #3 -

I'm a Democrat. People who've known me for years may not know that. Now you do. Forward your garbage about Barack Obama to someone else. Those of you who persist in calling him Osama ... something is really wrong with you. He is not a Muslim. He did not refuse to say the Pledge of Allegiance nor refuse to put his hand over his heart for it. Here's a little gem of wisdom for you schmucks who keep forwarding everything that lands in your inbox: JUST BECAUSE YOU READ SOMETHING IN AN EMAIL DOESN'T MEAN IT IS TRUE. Shocking I know.

Random Item #4 -

People keep saying to me that we can't just pull out of the war in the Middle East. When you ask them why they say, "We just can't." Stupidity abounds.

Random Item #5 -

My back hurts. Badly.

Random Item #6 -

I've been checking out Northern Exposure episodes from our library. It is an interesting show. I love the Alaskan setting. Gets a little goofy but it passes the time.

Random Item #7 -

It is okay for women to want to have fun and fellowship at a Ladies' Retreat. It is not just about the spiritual food or simply connecting with God. He is glorified through our connecting to each other and most normal human beings crave such connections.

Random Item #8 -

I really enjoy reading Christian novels that take place in the Amish community. I wish I could be a pen pal with an Amish woman my age.

Random Item #9 -

Those of you who harbor racist thoughts but think you aren't teaching your kids racism, or perhaps you know you are teaching them to be racists and are even a little proud of it, this is for you: (but you won't get it)

You've got to be taught to hate and fear

You've got to be taught from year to year

It's got to be drummed in your dear little ear

You've got to be carefully taught.

You've got to be taught to be afraid

Of people whose eyes are oddly made

and people whose skin is a different shade

You've got to be carefully taught.

You've got to be taught before it's too late

before you are six or seven or eight

To hate all the people your relatives hate

You've got to be carefully taught.

--From the musical, South Pacific

Just a bunch of things that have been on my mind and in some cases bothering me lately. Probably enough for now.

Piercing Moment

I got Trinity's ears pierced when she was one year old. She cried for a milli-second and then it was over. She enjoyed earrings until she was at least 4 but then went for a significant amount of time without wearing any. Well, they closed up. Some think that is impossible but I assure you it isn't.

See, her mommy got her ears pierced when she was in 8th grade. It took three trips to the mall before I finally worked up enough courage. I think the time I went through with it I was with my Aunt Ileene. Anyway, after wearing earrings for over 15 years, mine closed up too when I went for a long time without wearing earrings.

I've been wanting to go get them pierced for a year or two now but I was waiting on Trinity so I could use it as an incentive for her. We could get them done together. Finally last week she was ready.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008, Trinity gets her ears pierced at Claire's. She was stunned and teared up after the first one so I lit a fire under the girl doing the piercing and she quickly got the second one in. Then, Trinity's mommy got her ears pierced too. Have your 7 year old watch you. You can't react at all. It wasn't bad. Weird sensation.

So, we're styling in our new ear lobe bling. Happy happy.

Hair Caddy Camping

Currently packing for the big CO. Springs trip. I had a funny thought about our last camping trip I wanted to share. I needed a little break so this is good.

So we get to Ridgway a few weeks ago and we're unloading things from the camper (from here out to be known as Clyde) and Mark comes across Trini's hair caddy. He looks at me funny and insinuates it is strange to bring a hair caddy on a camping trip. I clued him in as to the details of keeping a little girls' hair in order. I pointed out how one day of tangles makes life very difficult around here. He smirked and went on his way.

The next morning as we're getting ready for the day Trini comes up to me looking concerned.

"Mom," she says, "We forgot my hair caddy. Oh no. What will we do?" (She didn't realize that mommies pack everything.)

As fate would have it she said this in front of her daddy. As if to admit defeat, he threw up his hands, shrugged his shoulders, shook his head in dibelief and walked away.

Oh how he will enjoy her teenage years ...

Oh how I enjoy her girlie little moments and the pure confusion it brings my dear husband ...

Not Knocked Up

Well, the guinea pig formerly known as Lacey, now known as Mia Rose is in fact not preggers. According to the rudest veterinarian in the whole world she is pleasantly plump. He isn't rude because he said she was pleasantly plump. He's rude because he had the bedside manner of a viper. I think he is related to Trinity's Orthopaedic doctor from last year.

Anyways, Mia Rose is not a Mamma Mia. Wouldn't that have been cute though? Fad-ulous as well with the movie coming out this summer but alas, it is not the case.

She's still a sweetie despite the horrible handling she endured yesterday. We gave her some space the rest of the day to recover from her assault.

We are in the last week of Kara, Inc.'s visit. I'm trying to focus on the positive ... having the house back to the usual residents and not going constantly. However, the bottom line is that I'm gonna miss 'em something fierce. I've gotten use to them all being here. It is more fun to go do things with them in tow. The kids have gotten along well and Kara and I have done pretty good at getting everyone fed and cared for.

I am also trying to just look forward to our upcoming vacation. Colorado Springs is one of my favorite places to visit. We plan to take the kids to the zoo there (quite possibly my favorite zoo ever) and also to Santa's Workshop. My children love the rides and shows there but will not even consider saying hello to the man in red himself.

We'll be camping in Clyde, our new pop-up camper. We'll set up the tent too for Kara and Chad (my bro-in-law) to sleep in. Chad is meeting us there and will be reuniting with his family after sharing them with us for a month.

We love our camper. It has a slide out dining table area that converts to a bed. It also has a hard side shower and potty inside as well. It sleeps 6.5 comfortably. We're looking forward to using it again. (Incidentally Clyde is now towed my practice mid-life crisis vehicle, Lucinda.) Lucinda is a silver Honda Pilot and I LOVE HER. She is very mine. Even when Mark is around I drive most of the time.

We had Clyde's maiden voyage in Amarillo at the beginning of June and have since taken it to Ridgway State Park which is about an hour and a half south of us. That was tons of fun and we had a great time. It was gorgeous.

I'm glad April has jumpstarted me to blogging again. I never know when the urge will hit me but I do enjoy writing from time to time so it's a good thing. Check out her new blog if you want to know a little more about my best friend (www.hog-wild-rice.blogspot.com). Incidentally, she is probably the reason God transplanted us in southern Arkansas for five years in 1996.

Laters!

Knocked Up?

.....Oh how I hope my title arouses some curiosity. Mark and I really shouldn't acquire pets ... maybe never.

.....Trinity got a guinea pig this week. To be honest it happened quickly because her mommy really wanted one too. After starting some research and looking around, we found the perfect little old lady of a guinea pig at a nice little pet store here in town.

.....Back to Mark and I ... we got our beagle Peanut right after we came back from our honeymoon back in 1995. We both cried through the first few nights of having her. She was crazy and hyper and crying for her littermates and her mom I'm sure. A year ago we lost her to old age and her body failing her.

.....Trinity got an aquarium from Santa a couple of years ago. She picked out a few fish. Meaning to have mating occur, even though she doesn't know about mating, we got a male and a female guppy and then one each of a few others.

.....One night Mark and I found ourselves trying to separate young guppies from young black mollies from a tetra (community fish) that was trying to eat them as well as from their own parents; the guppy pair and an apparently premiscuous black molly, the now single mother. Well into the night we maneuvered plastic boxes and nets to insure the safety of all involved.

.....Side note: Trini hasn't learned about the birds and the bees yet. I plan to maintain her innocence (and ignorance) for as long as possible. Anyway, she's really struggling with how the guinea pig, currently called Lacy, could have babies without a daddy. Her solution to the mystery is that she must have "shared her love" with the daddy already. Heaven help us get through this ordeal without too much education for my child.

.....No. I do not believe, in any way, that just because a child asks a question that she is ready for the answer. Maybe an answer that's a version of the truth, but no. Not the whole, big picture truth.

.....So, the sweetest large guinea pig you've ever seen now resides with our family. She is a precious, precious angel and we are crushing on her big time already. She came home on Tuesday. Kara is still here and she was looking at the little bulges on her belly and her little enlarged teets and has a theory that she is pregnant. Another tale of the plights of our family and pets. I have to say it would be really neat but it wasn't what we bargained for.

.....Lacy (who may soon be known as Mia or Maya as Trini is still in the naming process) is really loving. In the above picture you can see her holding up her chin so Trini can pet her under there. How cool is that? Her face is half white and half brown and her coinciding nostrils match; one white, one brown.

.....Lacy had a previous owner that had to surrender her. The pet store had taken her in and gave us a discount. It is hard to imagine that they would have passed up the profits of some possible little "piglets". Only time will tell. Enjoy some pics of our new baby/momma. We'll keep you posted.

Welcome to the Jungle

Well, if April is blogging I guess I'll have to get back in the habit. LOL It will take away from my Webkinz playing time. Seriously, I love playing on Webkinz. I tend my gardens and do my little jobs. I love computer games. Fun fun.

Right now I have three extra people in my house. Sounds crazy, and it is little zoo / jungle like, but we're having a really great time. It is my sister Kara and her kids. They come home with us from TX last week and will stay until July 4th weekend.

The girls are going to day camp this week with Girl Scouts. The boys are playing outside constantly and getting to go on a few little field trips here and there. We're having fun.

This weekend we're all going camping in our new pop-up RV. It is so nice and we're looking forward to using it again. We stopped in Amarillo, the town God hasn't checked on for awhile, and spent the night at a KOA there on the way home last week. It sleeps well. It has a hard side shower and toilet inside and a full, though miniature, kitchen. The dining table area slides out and makes into a bed. We'll take some pictures to share this weekend and who knows. Maybe I'll post 'em on my blog. We'll see if it comes alive again.

Kara and I are both reading "Created to Be His Help Meet" by Debi Pearl. She started before me even though I bought the books. Some of it is hard to digest but most of that is because I need to hear it. I'm hoping it will connect me more to God's purpose for me as Mark's wife; his "help meet".

Better scoot. Wal-mart calls for some last minute camping needs and I've got some things to do when we get back.

Laters!

Really, It's Me!

Well, I've been out of commission in more ways than one for awhile now. I can not believe how long it has been since I blogged!

There's wonderful phenomenon upon us in the Grand Valley. It is called fall! Maybe you've heard of it? Unless you live in Texas of course as we had for the last five years. The warm, rich colors on the trees and other foliage have been so breathtaking.

Two weeks ago I was finally able to return to church after being absent for basically the whole summer and September. YIKES! The joy in my heart to be in worship again and be able to start building relationships that were cut short with my prolonged absence.

I'm feeling better now. I'm on a medication that is leveling out enzymes and chemicals in my digestive track. Still struggling some but I feel like I'm getting my life back.

We went up on the Grand Mesa two weeks ago and played in the snow. Most people in GJ are waiting to have in their yards within the next couple of months. Not us. We proudly displayed our southern heritage by rushing to the first real snow fall!

I've pulled together a homeschool Brownie Girl Scout Troop that Trinity is a part of. I mourned over losing our Daisy troop in Texas so it was such a blessing to begin working with the girls again. I have 10 all together. Two I inherited from a public school troop that was overflowing and the rest are from our homeschool community. The are walking in our Veterans' Day Parade next Saturday. We're a month in and these girls are so amazing that we haven't even had to make troop rules or consequences yet. This is a picture of a portion of our troop from an event we attended a couple of weeks ago.

I put out my first newsletter for our homeschool organization at the end of October. It was one of the fullest ones in a long time. Twelve pages. I had so much fun and it blessed my heart to have something that was mine. I was so proud of the final product and Mark was really proud of me too. It goes out to over 200 families so it is a pretty big deal around here.

Trinity's arm is doing better. Dr. Friendly finally released her from his care this passed Tuesday. She can resume normal activities but he wants her to continue wearing the dynamic splint for two more months. That was encouraging. She has most of her range of motion back but still can't quite bend that arm like she can the other.

Our first Halloween here was so much fun. The weather was absolutely perfect as it so often is here. We did have some smokey haze come through from the California fires. You don't complain. You pray for those that lost their homes and loved ones and thank God for the safety of those you love and your home.The kids dressed up; Trini as a princess and Will as Thomas the Tank Engine. They were so cute. I guess we all say that about our kiddos. We bought Trini's dress at Goodwill and then she picked out the beading, sequins and ribbon for the bodice. Her mother sewed it all on and both of the kids got a lot of complements.

Mark and I took turns taking the kids around the neighborhood while one of us stayed home to hand out cavities, ahem ... I mean candy. Then we headed to our church building for a Trunk or Treat. It was nice. I especially enjoyed that I did not have to plan it, set up for it, nor clean up after it. Praise be to God!

I woke up this morning a day older than I was yesterday. Anybody want to explain to me exactly how that works? And why I actually feel older with the difference of one day?

First thing this morning I come into the office with my Frappuccino my DH left for me in the fridge. There's a sticky note with an arrow pointing to an icon. The instructions are for me to click and listen. Do you want to tell me what kind of man makes his wife cry on her birthday? I don't mean gentle little tears. Oh, no. I mean sobs and wailing. Wailing that makes his three year old run from upstairs to down checking on Mommy. The playing of this song is what evoked such emotion.

One Heartbeat at a Time
By Steven Curtis Chapman

You’re up all night with a screaming baby
You run all day at the speed of life
And every day you feel a little bit less
like the beautiful woman you are

So you fall into bed when you run out of hours
and you wonder if anything worth doing got done
Well maybe you just don’t know
or maybe you’ve forgotten

That you, you are changing the world
one little heartbeat at a time
Making history with every touch and every smile
Oh you, you may not see it now
but I believe that time will tell
how you, you are changing the world
one little heartbeat at a time

With every, “I know you can do it”
and every tear that you kiss away
So many little things that seem to go unnoticed
they’re just like the drops of rain
over time, they become a river

And you, you are changing the world
one little heartbeat at a time
Making history with every touch and every smile
Oh you, you may not see it now
but I believe that time will tell
how you, you are changing the world
one little heartbeat at a time

You’re beautiful, so beautiful
how you’re changing the world, yeah you’re changing the world

What kind of man does that??? The best kind of man I've ever known in my life. The most thoughtful, conscientious, loving man ... the best friend a woman could have and the best husband any wife could ever hope for. And he's mine ...

That would have been a really great ending to a really long blog. However, in the spirit of thrills and chills and shocks of Halloween, enjoy this next picture.

She has been asking to do it for over a year now. She mostly wanted to get it cut to send it to Locks of Love. She loved the idea of helping another child! I kept putting her off. A few months ago she brought it up again. I talked into waiting until after Halloween. Yesterday, November FIRST, she decided it was time.

I'm going to toot my own horn for a moment now. I was not in favor of this. She had no hair until she was almost 3 years old. It was very hard for me to agree. She wanted it. She wanted to something good. And to be honest, if you've never witnessed one of our hair brushing sessions, it's not a pretty thing. She gets hateful, I get mad, we both end up in tears. That's with detangling spray and all!

So I come to terms and agree, especially after my logical thinker says, "Mommy, it will grow back you know." I psyche myself up for it. Then all of sudden she starts having second thoughts. Here's where the amazing mom part comes in.

I proceed to talk my daughter into doing something I don't want her to do because I know she really wants to and just needs the encouragement and courage to do it. : ( She's cute as a button and brushed her own hair without any help from me this morning. This wasn't such a bad idea after all!

Out of Psalm 119

On June 25 I entered Psalm 119 and today I exited. That is a very long chapter, especially compared to the length of the other chapters. I got a little bogged down in "will I ever finish this?" type thoughts. But then I realized it was taking me so long because so much of it was speaking to me.

I copy verses that speak to me into my "Daily Walk With God" spiral. Then, I jot down what they mean to me today. I wrote down verses: 5, 7, 11, 18, 28, 29, 32, 35, 36, 44, 54, 59, 66, 70, 71, 76, 81, 92, 105, 114, 133, 153, and 165. That's a lot!

This chapter has really gotten me to rock back on my heels and consider my faith. Am I really faithful? Do I really have faith in God? How strong is my faith? I constantly wonder if my faith is "good enough" or not.

I guess the thoughts I have that make me question myself are thoughts like this. Would I still devote as much time as I do now to meeting with the Lord each day if I worked outside of my home? Would I maintain that God knows best and trust in Him should I lose my dear husband or one of my precious children? I can honestly say I don't know. I'll go a step further and predict that no, I probably wouldn't seem to be as faithful.

Then at times when I have such thoughts I get afraid to say, "Yes, Lord, I trust You to do what is needed. I'll accept Your will." Why does that scare me? Because I don't want Him to call me on it and see if I am indeed as trusting as I say. How whacked out is that?

My spiritual journey continues. I actually feel like I'm underfire right now. A long round of stomach woes and reactions to new medications, which aren't mutually exclusive, have kept me from worship for a few weeks now. I thought this passed Sunday was going to be free and clear but I woke up with a horrible stomach ache. Determined not to be beaten down, I got up, fixed my hair, got halfway dressed and could go no further. I doubled over on the bed in pain.

I feel as if I'm being tested and I feel very discouraged by the situation. I can't go to worship, I can't meet new people, I can't build relationships with our church family. It's embarassing and humiliating and I'm just starting to get a little freaked out. I've had some great one on one time with the Lord but I need more and I sure think He expects more from me.

Well, this started off about Psalms and has ended up with me unloading a month's worth of frustration! See, I'm human. It isn't always hunky-dory. How long has been since you've heard that phrase??

"Bang" Up Job

Well, I guess I haven't mentioned before now that I've been letting my bangs grow out. That would not seem an issue of interest to most, but anyone that knows me and has for a long time will realize the significance.

I believe I first had bangs in 1st grade. That, for me was 1980-1981. The clencher is I've had them ever since. I've considered growing them out several times, but never had the patience or the self-confidence to endure the awkward "in-between" stage when they are too long to hang down your forehead but not long enough to pull over to the side out of the way.

And then there was the haunting remark that was made to me very early in life by a family member. "Your forehead is so big you should always wear bangs." It really stinks how one person's not so bright comment can stick with a child her whole life.

So anyway, between moving to Colorado, my working to get my body healthier, and having a fresh clean slate to be and do whatever I want, I've decided to grow my bangs out. Oh, and being too busy to go get a haircut helped too. I have to say Mark and I are both digging it!

I think I goofed though. I could tell health wise my hair wasn't doing well. I had lots of split ends and it was very tangled after shampooing. And that was after I'd been using Redken a.k.a. expensive shampoo. I also noticed my bangs weren't blending in with the rest of my hair. They were down below my eyes but when I put them over to the side, they just didn't blend in.

So, I decided I would get a little trim and then ... oh my ... a body wave perm. Now, I didn't want tight little curls and I didn't want a cotton ball head. I just wanted a little bit of a wave and I thought that would help blend my bangs into the rest of my hair.

Well, I did it on Monday night. I don't think I'm happy with it. And that depresses me because I know how much it cost. However, I haven't gotten to wash it, which I know (and am praying) will help relax it. And, I got a special re-constructor to help with the tangles, which are much worse now.

Basically folks, I'm a schmuck. I was getting uncomfortable with the change. So I made a decision to try to fix it. I had decided which size rods I wanted ahead of time and I let the lady with weird hair and tattoos talk me into smaller ones. It will last longer she said. What is wrong with me?

Well, at least now I have the option of curls. I can straighten it out some with a blow dryer or a curling iron. And after it relaxes some it may be just what I had in mind. I just can't help wondering what is wrong with me. Why not just leave well enough alone? I'll give myself a break. It needed something. I just guessed wrong!

I'm working on that whole "being content in any situation" we're encouraged to practice in the Bible. So, I'll just focus on the cuteness of the tight little curl that keeps falling in front of my left eye. And now, maybe no one will ask where Trini gets her curls from! They don't have to know I paid for mine!

New Dentist It Is

Since all zero of my readers gave me some input on what to do about the dentist issue, I decided I would be more relaxed with another dentist. I am wise beyond my years!

My new dentist was so nice. She cranked up my Nitrous and numbed me up BIG TIME!! She filled my cavity and sent me on my way! What a relief.

I prayed before I left and just as I walked in. I asked God to guide her hands and asked Him to chill me out and let this get taken care of. Between my prayers, her good work, and them not treating me as if I was some crazy nut job, it went well!

I thanked God as I left for letting this get taken care of. Now I get to focus on having another cavity filled and a crown replaced. WOO HOO! It is easier to look ahead after having a better experience though!

Debating Dental Decisions

I am not a big fan of dentists. I've had more than one or two downright awful experiences with them. I don't enjoy going but I make my appointments religiously to ward off having to go any more often than that.

Somehow between November and early May, I managed to get two cavities. Don't tell Trinity as I will never hear the end of it. I got one or two while I was pregnant with her and two while I was pregnant with Will. My teeth react poorly to growing babies for some reason. So anyway, I was SHOCKED.

So yesterday I went to the new, sweet voiced, cutesy dentist I had chosen. They started my nitrous going and put on the topical. (A girl has to have her nitrous you know!) She numbed right under the tooth again and again and again and then it was time to start. She had barely started drilling when I felt a cold sensation and I knew all too well what that was.

So she stopped. Then she gave more and more and more anesthetic to the same place and waited. After 5 minutes, she started to drill again. Almost immediately, it was cold again.

This time she went for the main nerve in the back of my mouth where my jaw hinges. I was thrilled to know this was happening. A few minutes later she was rinsing the tooth with cold water and I FELT THAT COLD TOO!!!!!

I started crying I was so frustrated. Here I'd had shot after shot after shot and it wasn't working. And guess who's fault that is? Not the dental assistant, not even the dentist's. According to them, it WAS MY FAULT! It was all in my head and I was so stressed out I wasn't allowing myself to get numb.

Silly me, enjoying those jolts of cold wondering how close to a nerve she was. Silly me, enjoying shot after shot after shot into my GUMS! I was so mad. I was stressed, I don't enjoy these things. But folks, cold is cold! And I felt it! And I could feel my tongue press against my gums too even after she had supposedly numbed he whole quadrant of my mouth that tooth was in.

I was also getting my teeth cleaned while I was there so they decided to send me in to have that done and reschedule me to come back. They would prescribe a VALIUM for me to take the night before and the morning of my next appointment. Meanwhile comments about my state of mind and me making it worse than it had to be were thrown around. Livid. I was just absolutely livid.

The night before all of this I had gotten a piece of meat stuck in a gap I have. (It was created by the orthodontist for my braces a few years ago.) I know this is a gross but it is important. I had brushed and flossed and flossed and poked and I could not get it out. Yesterday morning I was going after it again and realized the dental hygienist would be able to get it out so I quite worrying about it.

Most of the "gap side" of my mouth was numb during the cleaning. That was a blessing I suppose. So, I couldn't feel her doing anything up there but assumed no dental oriented person would miss that. Right?

WRONG! After the anesthetic started wearing off, I could still feel the pressure of something up there. She had given me these little soft pick things as a sample so I used one of those and out it came. Again, I was so angry. What on earth??

So here is my dilemma. Almost every ounce of me wants to somewhere else, as much as I hate starting over and meeting new peeps when it comes to medical and dental persons. The only thing that makes me consider going back is that maybe this dentist would start out differently next time. Maybe go straight to the big guns, although those didn't seem to knock out the sensation. I'm not convinced the mild Valium will make that big of a difference either, and I won't be able to have the nitrous with the Valium.

I don't think the dentist is too questionable. I just didn't liked being blamed for it when I was already frustrated with not getting to have the work done after I had prepared myself for it.

So what would you do?? I'm torn and would love some input? I'd love some general anesthesia for this too but I suppose that isn't going to happen.

Another Arm Milestone

Well, Trini's little arm is now "pin free". They took her pink cast off today and then took x-rays. This made no sense to me. If I hadn't, at the last minute mind you, grabbed her sling to bring with us, they would have had her walk way down the hall without any support for that arm. You know, the one that hasn't moved on its own in a month! She was so scared. It irked me.

So the x-rays weren't fun. The radiologist tried to bend and reposition that arm. I was afraid a good smack was about to be needed but I just told him he wasn't going to have a picture from that angle. My poor baby.

So then we're back down the hall and the doctor comes in and asks her if she is ready to have her pins out. She matter-of-factly says, "No," with a big head shake for emphasis. He gets her laid down and my baby was trembling she was so scared. I noticed he had one half way out so I asked her if she was ready for him to start. She replied that she wasn't and I told her too bad because it was already out. She felt a little better after that.

After they were done her little tears flowed. I ached for her. She had a sense of relief but was also scared for them to examine her arm at all. She was so stressed that he decided to wait and check for feeling and reflexes next time.

I asked him about the x-rays and he said everything looked really good. He thought she was progressing right on track. He said she should be able to play soccer in August which she has really been asking about and wanting to do.

They then fitted her with a removable cast. Basically, they re-cast her arm, in a beautiful emerald green this time, and then cut it off of her and cut a strip out of one side of it. They then placed strips of adhesive velcro across it and she was good to go.

We're allowed to take it off for baths now and if she is sitting, still, and right beside one of us. The bad news is she can also take it off for physical therapy which he ordered for her. She can't even wrap her brain around the idea of that. She doesn't want anyone jacking with that arm and I can't say as I blame her. We'll work with her on it at home and hopefully the PT won't be a necessity. She had it at about 3/4 of the way straightened tonight so maybe, in the security of our home, she'll accomplish more than a professional could in a scary office.

We go back in 4 weeks and she should be released from the cast then. She'll still be on limited activity but 2-3 weeks after that she should get the all clear.

My child amazes me. She's so brave and tender hearted and kind. I wish I was more like her.

Progress Report Mid-Week 8

I truly didn't mean to take so long to compose an update. I've been busy around here though!

"We" completed Kindergarten last week. Trini got to go see Chuck E. Cheese to celebrate. Then we had to get busy preparing for a HOUSE FULL O' COMPANY! My mom, step-dad, sister, and her four kids came for a visit. They left this morning after arriving late Sunday night. I'm whooped!

So, I've been busy and distracted and just now getting some time to catch my breath.

Body Clutter:
Week 1 - 5 1/2
Week 2 + 1/2
Week 3 - 4
Week 4 No weigh in - at hospital
Week 5 + 2 1/2
Week 6 + 1/2
Week 7 - 4 1/2

Total weight loss since committing to do it .... 10 1/2 lbs.
Total weight loss since January .... 21 lbs.

For some reason, I wasn't giving myself credit for the weight I lost when I wasn't really trying to. How stupid is that? I lost more than 10 pounds during the process of our move. I had gained a little back by the time I started trying hard to get it under control but still, I've come a long way since January so I'm going to start giving some credit where credit is due. Thank You, Father, for delivering me from 21 lbs. of overweight.

Spiritual Jewels:
Overall I'm feeling better about my prayer life and about my time in the Word. Life actually slows down and falls into place after I've talked with God each day. He manages to speak to me in at least a verse or two every time I open my Bible.

Physical Jewels:
Clothes are getting looser. My knees and feet aren't aching quite as bad. Still no wedding rings but I feel like I'm getting closer.

Devotional Time:
I have postponed my copying project in Isaiah. I was in the middle of chapter 11 on that. I took a break because I was reading After the Boxes Are Unpacked regarding moving on after moving in. I finished it last week but am still retracing parts of it. It was fraught with Scripture reference and so much insight to the struggles I've had recently with living in a new place. I plan to go back and search through more of the Scriptures referenced in the weeks ahead. It is my hope to post some of what I sort through on my blog.

I have continued on with my journey through the book of Psalms. I start chapter 92 tomorrow. I've never read the book all the way through and I chose to start with it because the writing speaks to me and I knew I would stay with something I like.

Blessing My Heart:
Other than catching up on housework that had fallen by the wayside when Trini got hurt, I've abandoned how well I was doing with walking each morning. I miss it and do intend to get back to it. Mark trimmed the branches of the tree in our front yard as Spring had caused them to block my view of the Colorado National Monument mountain.

Struggles:
I'm still starting with too much food at meals. I've decided that I'm going to start using a dessert plate for my meals. That usually works for me. I don't like for the plate to be full so I end up with a portion smaller than a dessert plate which is often less than a "not full" portion on a regular sized plate.

Prayer Concerns:
Gramps is doing as well as could be expected. He's been moved to a nursing home and they've had him up in a chair some. Pray for his peace with his situation and for his wife's comfort and strength during this whole ordeal.

Trini's arm isn't bothering her too bad and isn't slowing her down too much. She goes on Tuesday for more x-rays and to possibly get the pins out. Pray that her itches won't get the best of her and that if the pins are removed she'll be brave and it won't be too uncomfortable.

Therapy Book?

Okay, let me be honest. The moving in honeymoon is over. Boxes have been unpacked. I'm still finding permanent homes for "junk". All in all we're pretty well settled in though.

With Trinity's accident, it has finally hit me. We are far away from our friends and family. Nothing has felt so bad that I've thought I'd just rather go back to Texas. On the contrary actually. I really love it here in the Grand Valley. Every day is just a blessing with God's wonders and creativity around us.

The emotional part of it is getting to me. I was happy about the move. I was glad for a change, I was excited to start things over. I adore our new house and have worked hard to make it a home. I felt all along that God was leading us here. So it was and is a good thing.

I'm just ... emotional.

So, I started reading a wonderful book last night called "After the Boxes Are Unpacked: Moving on After Moving In". (I don't know how to underline on here.) God sent it to me. I read about it in a Christian magazine last month and ordered it immediately. Advertising pays off, what can I say.

The first thing I've assigned myself to do is to start assigning loved ones to each day of the month to pray for. So, I'm using the calendar on our family yahoo group to document who I'll be praying for. Basically family, my friends and their kids and maybe even their spouses. The idea of it made me feel better. What better way to stay connected and to be close in thought than to have a loved one in my daily prayers?

So, who knows! You may be seeing your name in my prayers before long. I would like to at least send an email or a little postcard to those that aren't internet savvy to let them know I've prayed for them. We'll see how that goes. I'm excited to give this a try.

You Say Orthopedic, I Say Orthopaedic

So I felt like a little bit of dummy after my post last week about Trinity's arm breaking accident. I had spelled her doctor's specialty "orthopedic". I got to looking at his business card and saw an "a" in there, making it "orthopaedic". Feeling not so smart, I went in and edited my post.

As we were driving home from her orthopaedic doctor's office on Tuesday, we passed another doctor's office that was an association of Orthopedic Physicians. Say what?? I was more confused than ever.

Enter old Mr. Webster. Apparently, mankind in all of its wisdom has decided the specialty can be spelled either way. ???? ???? ????

So then I began asking myself about her doctor, "Why would you add the 'a' if you were a doctor in this world trying to make money off of simple minded people?" I mean everything in me says there should not be an "a" in this word. Memories of spelling lists and rules from early school years still ring in my ears.

So as it turns out I was right to begin with, and to end with. What an aggravation. Just in case you ever wanted to know, that's the story on the difference or lack thereof between these two words.

My "View"

Right about the time we moved, almost 3 months ago, I discovered Rosie O'Donnell one day on the daytime television show "The View". I had always loved her talk show and was thrilled to see her back on the tube.

Although I had seen a snippet or two at my Grandma's house once or twice, I had never once watched this show before Rosie joined the cast. It seemed kind of mindless or gossip-ish to me and I had better things to do with my time. However, I have really grown to enjoy the show! I watch on our DVR every day after my daily devotional while my children are having rest time.

Over the last couple of months I've come to believe that my husband thinks that I think that the four ladies who co-host the show are real, actual friends of mine. He comes home from work and I'm saying things like, "Rosie and Elisabeth argued today." "Joy makes me laugh, she's so funny." "Barbara keeps us all happily together."

I keep waiting for him to say, "Honey, you know they aren't really your friends, right?"

Cut me some slack. We moved almost 3 months ago and I don't have any real friends here yet. These ladies keep me connected with the world outside of my home and I feel like my mind and my perspective have grown because of it.

So, that leads me to the obvious, at least to those of you who are fans of the show. They had it out yesterday. My Rosie ... and that Elisabeth girl. I hate when you see an argument and you understand where the process of communication has broken down but you are outside of the situation and can't do anything but watch, helplessly.

I have to say that I do actually agree with many of Rosie's political views and opinions. I love that she has her own thoughts and isn't afraid to put it all out there. She does get emotional but it is because she so deeply believes in what she has to say.

Elisabeth, on the other hand, doesn't seem to have too many original thoughts of her own. It seems like every word that comes from her mouth is just something she's repeating from one of her little news shows the night before. I also feel like she has a little growing up to do.

I liken her comments to a young adult who has just left home. Perhaps they've been raised in a church going family and we'll say they are rather conservative. Those young adults will often spout beliefs that actually belong to their parents, or sometimes even their church. They don't say these things necessarily because that is their pure opinion on the matter but because that's all they've ever heard or been exposed to and to them that's the way it is.

I feel like Elisabeth can't always see the big picture. I'm not okay with 18 innocent people being arrested with no charges even if it means catching 7 guilty people. I mean, if I was one of the 18 I would be angry and no amount of political rhetoric or polishing over would cool me down. I don't want my phone calls tapped. If I want to talk about personal things to my best friend, then by golly they should be doggone PERSONAL.

I don't mean to start a political debate here amongst the maybe two people who occasionally read my blog. I've just been stewing about this and this is my venting source.

Another thing I find interesting and extremely pathetic, especially from the more conservative, Christian professing souls is how people who want to criticize Rosie don't say, "She's wrong about the President because ..." They don't say, "I disagree with her opinion about gun control because ..." They start screaming about her being fat, loud, or gay. This has to do with her political opinions how? Oh, and those things somehow make her stupid as well. If you're going to disagree folks, let's back it up with some facts and opinions. Smarten up!

Ya know, as much as I disagree with some of Elisabeth's more conservative views, I'm actually open minded enough to see that her being on the show is good and even a necessity. Diversity could not be embraced or displayed if everyone on the show were to think alike. I would maybe like to see an educated, possibly politically involved woman in Elisabeth's place, even if her views were quite the same. I think that would make for great discussions and debates and we can all only benefit from such.

So, now you know. I love my Rosie. I thought it was time I came out. I have many other personality quirks that I'm sure would throw you for a loop but we'll let it rest here for today. Enough to digest I know. Just wanted to share what was going on with my friends, uh-um, I mean my favorite daytime show.