Really, It's Me!

Well, I've been out of commission in more ways than one for awhile now. I can not believe how long it has been since I blogged!

There's wonderful phenomenon upon us in the Grand Valley. It is called fall! Maybe you've heard of it? Unless you live in Texas of course as we had for the last five years. The warm, rich colors on the trees and other foliage have been so breathtaking.

Two weeks ago I was finally able to return to church after being absent for basically the whole summer and September. YIKES! The joy in my heart to be in worship again and be able to start building relationships that were cut short with my prolonged absence.

I'm feeling better now. I'm on a medication that is leveling out enzymes and chemicals in my digestive track. Still struggling some but I feel like I'm getting my life back.

We went up on the Grand Mesa two weeks ago and played in the snow. Most people in GJ are waiting to have in their yards within the next couple of months. Not us. We proudly displayed our southern heritage by rushing to the first real snow fall!

I've pulled together a homeschool Brownie Girl Scout Troop that Trinity is a part of. I mourned over losing our Daisy troop in Texas so it was such a blessing to begin working with the girls again. I have 10 all together. Two I inherited from a public school troop that was overflowing and the rest are from our homeschool community. The are walking in our Veterans' Day Parade next Saturday. We're a month in and these girls are so amazing that we haven't even had to make troop rules or consequences yet. This is a picture of a portion of our troop from an event we attended a couple of weeks ago.

I put out my first newsletter for our homeschool organization at the end of October. It was one of the fullest ones in a long time. Twelve pages. I had so much fun and it blessed my heart to have something that was mine. I was so proud of the final product and Mark was really proud of me too. It goes out to over 200 families so it is a pretty big deal around here.

Trinity's arm is doing better. Dr. Friendly finally released her from his care this passed Tuesday. She can resume normal activities but he wants her to continue wearing the dynamic splint for two more months. That was encouraging. She has most of her range of motion back but still can't quite bend that arm like she can the other.

Our first Halloween here was so much fun. The weather was absolutely perfect as it so often is here. We did have some smokey haze come through from the California fires. You don't complain. You pray for those that lost their homes and loved ones and thank God for the safety of those you love and your home.The kids dressed up; Trini as a princess and Will as Thomas the Tank Engine. They were so cute. I guess we all say that about our kiddos. We bought Trini's dress at Goodwill and then she picked out the beading, sequins and ribbon for the bodice. Her mother sewed it all on and both of the kids got a lot of complements.

Mark and I took turns taking the kids around the neighborhood while one of us stayed home to hand out cavities, ahem ... I mean candy. Then we headed to our church building for a Trunk or Treat. It was nice. I especially enjoyed that I did not have to plan it, set up for it, nor clean up after it. Praise be to God!

I woke up this morning a day older than I was yesterday. Anybody want to explain to me exactly how that works? And why I actually feel older with the difference of one day?

First thing this morning I come into the office with my Frappuccino my DH left for me in the fridge. There's a sticky note with an arrow pointing to an icon. The instructions are for me to click and listen. Do you want to tell me what kind of man makes his wife cry on her birthday? I don't mean gentle little tears. Oh, no. I mean sobs and wailing. Wailing that makes his three year old run from upstairs to down checking on Mommy. The playing of this song is what evoked such emotion.

One Heartbeat at a Time
By Steven Curtis Chapman

You’re up all night with a screaming baby
You run all day at the speed of life
And every day you feel a little bit less
like the beautiful woman you are

So you fall into bed when you run out of hours
and you wonder if anything worth doing got done
Well maybe you just don’t know
or maybe you’ve forgotten

That you, you are changing the world
one little heartbeat at a time
Making history with every touch and every smile
Oh you, you may not see it now
but I believe that time will tell
how you, you are changing the world
one little heartbeat at a time

With every, “I know you can do it”
and every tear that you kiss away
So many little things that seem to go unnoticed
they’re just like the drops of rain
over time, they become a river

And you, you are changing the world
one little heartbeat at a time
Making history with every touch and every smile
Oh you, you may not see it now
but I believe that time will tell
how you, you are changing the world
one little heartbeat at a time

You’re beautiful, so beautiful
how you’re changing the world, yeah you’re changing the world

What kind of man does that??? The best kind of man I've ever known in my life. The most thoughtful, conscientious, loving man ... the best friend a woman could have and the best husband any wife could ever hope for. And he's mine ...

That would have been a really great ending to a really long blog. However, in the spirit of thrills and chills and shocks of Halloween, enjoy this next picture.

She has been asking to do it for over a year now. She mostly wanted to get it cut to send it to Locks of Love. She loved the idea of helping another child! I kept putting her off. A few months ago she brought it up again. I talked into waiting until after Halloween. Yesterday, November FIRST, she decided it was time.

I'm going to toot my own horn for a moment now. I was not in favor of this. She had no hair until she was almost 3 years old. It was very hard for me to agree. She wanted it. She wanted to something good. And to be honest, if you've never witnessed one of our hair brushing sessions, it's not a pretty thing. She gets hateful, I get mad, we both end up in tears. That's with detangling spray and all!

So I come to terms and agree, especially after my logical thinker says, "Mommy, it will grow back you know." I psyche myself up for it. Then all of sudden she starts having second thoughts. Here's where the amazing mom part comes in.

I proceed to talk my daughter into doing something I don't want her to do because I know she really wants to and just needs the encouragement and courage to do it. : ( She's cute as a button and brushed her own hair without any help from me this morning. This wasn't such a bad idea after all!

Out of Psalm 119

On June 25 I entered Psalm 119 and today I exited. That is a very long chapter, especially compared to the length of the other chapters. I got a little bogged down in "will I ever finish this?" type thoughts. But then I realized it was taking me so long because so much of it was speaking to me.

I copy verses that speak to me into my "Daily Walk With God" spiral. Then, I jot down what they mean to me today. I wrote down verses: 5, 7, 11, 18, 28, 29, 32, 35, 36, 44, 54, 59, 66, 70, 71, 76, 81, 92, 105, 114, 133, 153, and 165. That's a lot!

This chapter has really gotten me to rock back on my heels and consider my faith. Am I really faithful? Do I really have faith in God? How strong is my faith? I constantly wonder if my faith is "good enough" or not.

I guess the thoughts I have that make me question myself are thoughts like this. Would I still devote as much time as I do now to meeting with the Lord each day if I worked outside of my home? Would I maintain that God knows best and trust in Him should I lose my dear husband or one of my precious children? I can honestly say I don't know. I'll go a step further and predict that no, I probably wouldn't seem to be as faithful.

Then at times when I have such thoughts I get afraid to say, "Yes, Lord, I trust You to do what is needed. I'll accept Your will." Why does that scare me? Because I don't want Him to call me on it and see if I am indeed as trusting as I say. How whacked out is that?

My spiritual journey continues. I actually feel like I'm underfire right now. A long round of stomach woes and reactions to new medications, which aren't mutually exclusive, have kept me from worship for a few weeks now. I thought this passed Sunday was going to be free and clear but I woke up with a horrible stomach ache. Determined not to be beaten down, I got up, fixed my hair, got halfway dressed and could go no further. I doubled over on the bed in pain.

I feel as if I'm being tested and I feel very discouraged by the situation. I can't go to worship, I can't meet new people, I can't build relationships with our church family. It's embarassing and humiliating and I'm just starting to get a little freaked out. I've had some great one on one time with the Lord but I need more and I sure think He expects more from me.

Well, this started off about Psalms and has ended up with me unloading a month's worth of frustration! See, I'm human. It isn't always hunky-dory. How long has been since you've heard that phrase??

"Bang" Up Job

Well, I guess I haven't mentioned before now that I've been letting my bangs grow out. That would not seem an issue of interest to most, but anyone that knows me and has for a long time will realize the significance.

I believe I first had bangs in 1st grade. That, for me was 1980-1981. The clencher is I've had them ever since. I've considered growing them out several times, but never had the patience or the self-confidence to endure the awkward "in-between" stage when they are too long to hang down your forehead but not long enough to pull over to the side out of the way.

And then there was the haunting remark that was made to me very early in life by a family member. "Your forehead is so big you should always wear bangs." It really stinks how one person's not so bright comment can stick with a child her whole life.

So anyway, between moving to Colorado, my working to get my body healthier, and having a fresh clean slate to be and do whatever I want, I've decided to grow my bangs out. Oh, and being too busy to go get a haircut helped too. I have to say Mark and I are both digging it!

I think I goofed though. I could tell health wise my hair wasn't doing well. I had lots of split ends and it was very tangled after shampooing. And that was after I'd been using Redken a.k.a. expensive shampoo. I also noticed my bangs weren't blending in with the rest of my hair. They were down below my eyes but when I put them over to the side, they just didn't blend in.

So, I decided I would get a little trim and then ... oh my ... a body wave perm. Now, I didn't want tight little curls and I didn't want a cotton ball head. I just wanted a little bit of a wave and I thought that would help blend my bangs into the rest of my hair.

Well, I did it on Monday night. I don't think I'm happy with it. And that depresses me because I know how much it cost. However, I haven't gotten to wash it, which I know (and am praying) will help relax it. And, I got a special re-constructor to help with the tangles, which are much worse now.

Basically folks, I'm a schmuck. I was getting uncomfortable with the change. So I made a decision to try to fix it. I had decided which size rods I wanted ahead of time and I let the lady with weird hair and tattoos talk me into smaller ones. It will last longer she said. What is wrong with me?

Well, at least now I have the option of curls. I can straighten it out some with a blow dryer or a curling iron. And after it relaxes some it may be just what I had in mind. I just can't help wondering what is wrong with me. Why not just leave well enough alone? I'll give myself a break. It needed something. I just guessed wrong!

I'm working on that whole "being content in any situation" we're encouraged to practice in the Bible. So, I'll just focus on the cuteness of the tight little curl that keeps falling in front of my left eye. And now, maybe no one will ask where Trini gets her curls from! They don't have to know I paid for mine!

New Dentist It Is

Since all zero of my readers gave me some input on what to do about the dentist issue, I decided I would be more relaxed with another dentist. I am wise beyond my years!

My new dentist was so nice. She cranked up my Nitrous and numbed me up BIG TIME!! She filled my cavity and sent me on my way! What a relief.

I prayed before I left and just as I walked in. I asked God to guide her hands and asked Him to chill me out and let this get taken care of. Between my prayers, her good work, and them not treating me as if I was some crazy nut job, it went well!

I thanked God as I left for letting this get taken care of. Now I get to focus on having another cavity filled and a crown replaced. WOO HOO! It is easier to look ahead after having a better experience though!

Debating Dental Decisions

I am not a big fan of dentists. I've had more than one or two downright awful experiences with them. I don't enjoy going but I make my appointments religiously to ward off having to go any more often than that.

Somehow between November and early May, I managed to get two cavities. Don't tell Trinity as I will never hear the end of it. I got one or two while I was pregnant with her and two while I was pregnant with Will. My teeth react poorly to growing babies for some reason. So anyway, I was SHOCKED.

So yesterday I went to the new, sweet voiced, cutesy dentist I had chosen. They started my nitrous going and put on the topical. (A girl has to have her nitrous you know!) She numbed right under the tooth again and again and again and then it was time to start. She had barely started drilling when I felt a cold sensation and I knew all too well what that was.

So she stopped. Then she gave more and more and more anesthetic to the same place and waited. After 5 minutes, she started to drill again. Almost immediately, it was cold again.

This time she went for the main nerve in the back of my mouth where my jaw hinges. I was thrilled to know this was happening. A few minutes later she was rinsing the tooth with cold water and I FELT THAT COLD TOO!!!!!

I started crying I was so frustrated. Here I'd had shot after shot after shot and it wasn't working. And guess who's fault that is? Not the dental assistant, not even the dentist's. According to them, it WAS MY FAULT! It was all in my head and I was so stressed out I wasn't allowing myself to get numb.

Silly me, enjoying those jolts of cold wondering how close to a nerve she was. Silly me, enjoying shot after shot after shot into my GUMS! I was so mad. I was stressed, I don't enjoy these things. But folks, cold is cold! And I felt it! And I could feel my tongue press against my gums too even after she had supposedly numbed he whole quadrant of my mouth that tooth was in.

I was also getting my teeth cleaned while I was there so they decided to send me in to have that done and reschedule me to come back. They would prescribe a VALIUM for me to take the night before and the morning of my next appointment. Meanwhile comments about my state of mind and me making it worse than it had to be were thrown around. Livid. I was just absolutely livid.

The night before all of this I had gotten a piece of meat stuck in a gap I have. (It was created by the orthodontist for my braces a few years ago.) I know this is a gross but it is important. I had brushed and flossed and flossed and poked and I could not get it out. Yesterday morning I was going after it again and realized the dental hygienist would be able to get it out so I quite worrying about it.

Most of the "gap side" of my mouth was numb during the cleaning. That was a blessing I suppose. So, I couldn't feel her doing anything up there but assumed no dental oriented person would miss that. Right?

WRONG! After the anesthetic started wearing off, I could still feel the pressure of something up there. She had given me these little soft pick things as a sample so I used one of those and out it came. Again, I was so angry. What on earth??

So here is my dilemma. Almost every ounce of me wants to somewhere else, as much as I hate starting over and meeting new peeps when it comes to medical and dental persons. The only thing that makes me consider going back is that maybe this dentist would start out differently next time. Maybe go straight to the big guns, although those didn't seem to knock out the sensation. I'm not convinced the mild Valium will make that big of a difference either, and I won't be able to have the nitrous with the Valium.

I don't think the dentist is too questionable. I just didn't liked being blamed for it when I was already frustrated with not getting to have the work done after I had prepared myself for it.

So what would you do?? I'm torn and would love some input? I'd love some general anesthesia for this too but I suppose that isn't going to happen.

Another Arm Milestone

Well, Trini's little arm is now "pin free". They took her pink cast off today and then took x-rays. This made no sense to me. If I hadn't, at the last minute mind you, grabbed her sling to bring with us, they would have had her walk way down the hall without any support for that arm. You know, the one that hasn't moved on its own in a month! She was so scared. It irked me.

So the x-rays weren't fun. The radiologist tried to bend and reposition that arm. I was afraid a good smack was about to be needed but I just told him he wasn't going to have a picture from that angle. My poor baby.

So then we're back down the hall and the doctor comes in and asks her if she is ready to have her pins out. She matter-of-factly says, "No," with a big head shake for emphasis. He gets her laid down and my baby was trembling she was so scared. I noticed he had one half way out so I asked her if she was ready for him to start. She replied that she wasn't and I told her too bad because it was already out. She felt a little better after that.

After they were done her little tears flowed. I ached for her. She had a sense of relief but was also scared for them to examine her arm at all. She was so stressed that he decided to wait and check for feeling and reflexes next time.

I asked him about the x-rays and he said everything looked really good. He thought she was progressing right on track. He said she should be able to play soccer in August which she has really been asking about and wanting to do.

They then fitted her with a removable cast. Basically, they re-cast her arm, in a beautiful emerald green this time, and then cut it off of her and cut a strip out of one side of it. They then placed strips of adhesive velcro across it and she was good to go.

We're allowed to take it off for baths now and if she is sitting, still, and right beside one of us. The bad news is she can also take it off for physical therapy which he ordered for her. She can't even wrap her brain around the idea of that. She doesn't want anyone jacking with that arm and I can't say as I blame her. We'll work with her on it at home and hopefully the PT won't be a necessity. She had it at about 3/4 of the way straightened tonight so maybe, in the security of our home, she'll accomplish more than a professional could in a scary office.

We go back in 4 weeks and she should be released from the cast then. She'll still be on limited activity but 2-3 weeks after that she should get the all clear.

My child amazes me. She's so brave and tender hearted and kind. I wish I was more like her.

Progress Report Mid-Week 8

I truly didn't mean to take so long to compose an update. I've been busy around here though!

"We" completed Kindergarten last week. Trini got to go see Chuck E. Cheese to celebrate. Then we had to get busy preparing for a HOUSE FULL O' COMPANY! My mom, step-dad, sister, and her four kids came for a visit. They left this morning after arriving late Sunday night. I'm whooped!

So, I've been busy and distracted and just now getting some time to catch my breath.

Body Clutter:
Week 1 - 5 1/2
Week 2 + 1/2
Week 3 - 4
Week 4 No weigh in - at hospital
Week 5 + 2 1/2
Week 6 + 1/2
Week 7 - 4 1/2

Total weight loss since committing to do it .... 10 1/2 lbs.
Total weight loss since January .... 21 lbs.

For some reason, I wasn't giving myself credit for the weight I lost when I wasn't really trying to. How stupid is that? I lost more than 10 pounds during the process of our move. I had gained a little back by the time I started trying hard to get it under control but still, I've come a long way since January so I'm going to start giving some credit where credit is due. Thank You, Father, for delivering me from 21 lbs. of overweight.

Spiritual Jewels:
Overall I'm feeling better about my prayer life and about my time in the Word. Life actually slows down and falls into place after I've talked with God each day. He manages to speak to me in at least a verse or two every time I open my Bible.

Physical Jewels:
Clothes are getting looser. My knees and feet aren't aching quite as bad. Still no wedding rings but I feel like I'm getting closer.

Devotional Time:
I have postponed my copying project in Isaiah. I was in the middle of chapter 11 on that. I took a break because I was reading After the Boxes Are Unpacked regarding moving on after moving in. I finished it last week but am still retracing parts of it. It was fraught with Scripture reference and so much insight to the struggles I've had recently with living in a new place. I plan to go back and search through more of the Scriptures referenced in the weeks ahead. It is my hope to post some of what I sort through on my blog.

I have continued on with my journey through the book of Psalms. I start chapter 92 tomorrow. I've never read the book all the way through and I chose to start with it because the writing speaks to me and I knew I would stay with something I like.

Blessing My Heart:
Other than catching up on housework that had fallen by the wayside when Trini got hurt, I've abandoned how well I was doing with walking each morning. I miss it and do intend to get back to it. Mark trimmed the branches of the tree in our front yard as Spring had caused them to block my view of the Colorado National Monument mountain.

Struggles:
I'm still starting with too much food at meals. I've decided that I'm going to start using a dessert plate for my meals. That usually works for me. I don't like for the plate to be full so I end up with a portion smaller than a dessert plate which is often less than a "not full" portion on a regular sized plate.

Prayer Concerns:
Gramps is doing as well as could be expected. He's been moved to a nursing home and they've had him up in a chair some. Pray for his peace with his situation and for his wife's comfort and strength during this whole ordeal.

Trini's arm isn't bothering her too bad and isn't slowing her down too much. She goes on Tuesday for more x-rays and to possibly get the pins out. Pray that her itches won't get the best of her and that if the pins are removed she'll be brave and it won't be too uncomfortable.

Therapy Book?

Okay, let me be honest. The moving in honeymoon is over. Boxes have been unpacked. I'm still finding permanent homes for "junk". All in all we're pretty well settled in though.

With Trinity's accident, it has finally hit me. We are far away from our friends and family. Nothing has felt so bad that I've thought I'd just rather go back to Texas. On the contrary actually. I really love it here in the Grand Valley. Every day is just a blessing with God's wonders and creativity around us.

The emotional part of it is getting to me. I was happy about the move. I was glad for a change, I was excited to start things over. I adore our new house and have worked hard to make it a home. I felt all along that God was leading us here. So it was and is a good thing.

I'm just ... emotional.

So, I started reading a wonderful book last night called "After the Boxes Are Unpacked: Moving on After Moving In". (I don't know how to underline on here.) God sent it to me. I read about it in a Christian magazine last month and ordered it immediately. Advertising pays off, what can I say.

The first thing I've assigned myself to do is to start assigning loved ones to each day of the month to pray for. So, I'm using the calendar on our family yahoo group to document who I'll be praying for. Basically family, my friends and their kids and maybe even their spouses. The idea of it made me feel better. What better way to stay connected and to be close in thought than to have a loved one in my daily prayers?

So, who knows! You may be seeing your name in my prayers before long. I would like to at least send an email or a little postcard to those that aren't internet savvy to let them know I've prayed for them. We'll see how that goes. I'm excited to give this a try.

You Say Orthopedic, I Say Orthopaedic

So I felt like a little bit of dummy after my post last week about Trinity's arm breaking accident. I had spelled her doctor's specialty "orthopedic". I got to looking at his business card and saw an "a" in there, making it "orthopaedic". Feeling not so smart, I went in and edited my post.

As we were driving home from her orthopaedic doctor's office on Tuesday, we passed another doctor's office that was an association of Orthopedic Physicians. Say what?? I was more confused than ever.

Enter old Mr. Webster. Apparently, mankind in all of its wisdom has decided the specialty can be spelled either way. ???? ???? ????

So then I began asking myself about her doctor, "Why would you add the 'a' if you were a doctor in this world trying to make money off of simple minded people?" I mean everything in me says there should not be an "a" in this word. Memories of spelling lists and rules from early school years still ring in my ears.

So as it turns out I was right to begin with, and to end with. What an aggravation. Just in case you ever wanted to know, that's the story on the difference or lack thereof between these two words.

My "View"

Right about the time we moved, almost 3 months ago, I discovered Rosie O'Donnell one day on the daytime television show "The View". I had always loved her talk show and was thrilled to see her back on the tube.

Although I had seen a snippet or two at my Grandma's house once or twice, I had never once watched this show before Rosie joined the cast. It seemed kind of mindless or gossip-ish to me and I had better things to do with my time. However, I have really grown to enjoy the show! I watch on our DVR every day after my daily devotional while my children are having rest time.

Over the last couple of months I've come to believe that my husband thinks that I think that the four ladies who co-host the show are real, actual friends of mine. He comes home from work and I'm saying things like, "Rosie and Elisabeth argued today." "Joy makes me laugh, she's so funny." "Barbara keeps us all happily together."

I keep waiting for him to say, "Honey, you know they aren't really your friends, right?"

Cut me some slack. We moved almost 3 months ago and I don't have any real friends here yet. These ladies keep me connected with the world outside of my home and I feel like my mind and my perspective have grown because of it.

So, that leads me to the obvious, at least to those of you who are fans of the show. They had it out yesterday. My Rosie ... and that Elisabeth girl. I hate when you see an argument and you understand where the process of communication has broken down but you are outside of the situation and can't do anything but watch, helplessly.

I have to say that I do actually agree with many of Rosie's political views and opinions. I love that she has her own thoughts and isn't afraid to put it all out there. She does get emotional but it is because she so deeply believes in what she has to say.

Elisabeth, on the other hand, doesn't seem to have too many original thoughts of her own. It seems like every word that comes from her mouth is just something she's repeating from one of her little news shows the night before. I also feel like she has a little growing up to do.

I liken her comments to a young adult who has just left home. Perhaps they've been raised in a church going family and we'll say they are rather conservative. Those young adults will often spout beliefs that actually belong to their parents, or sometimes even their church. They don't say these things necessarily because that is their pure opinion on the matter but because that's all they've ever heard or been exposed to and to them that's the way it is.

I feel like Elisabeth can't always see the big picture. I'm not okay with 18 innocent people being arrested with no charges even if it means catching 7 guilty people. I mean, if I was one of the 18 I would be angry and no amount of political rhetoric or polishing over would cool me down. I don't want my phone calls tapped. If I want to talk about personal things to my best friend, then by golly they should be doggone PERSONAL.

I don't mean to start a political debate here amongst the maybe two people who occasionally read my blog. I've just been stewing about this and this is my venting source.

Another thing I find interesting and extremely pathetic, especially from the more conservative, Christian professing souls is how people who want to criticize Rosie don't say, "She's wrong about the President because ..." They don't say, "I disagree with her opinion about gun control because ..." They start screaming about her being fat, loud, or gay. This has to do with her political opinions how? Oh, and those things somehow make her stupid as well. If you're going to disagree folks, let's back it up with some facts and opinions. Smarten up!

Ya know, as much as I disagree with some of Elisabeth's more conservative views, I'm actually open minded enough to see that her being on the show is good and even a necessity. Diversity could not be embraced or displayed if everyone on the show were to think alike. I would maybe like to see an educated, possibly politically involved woman in Elisabeth's place, even if her views were quite the same. I think that would make for great discussions and debates and we can all only benefit from such.

So, now you know. I love my Rosie. I thought it was time I came out. I have many other personality quirks that I'm sure would throw you for a loop but we'll let it rest here for today. Enough to digest I know. Just wanted to share what was going on with my friends, uh-um, I mean my favorite daytime show.

Progress Report Mid Week 6

Physical Jewels:
Week 1 - 5 1/2
Week 2 + 1/2
Week 3 - 4
Week 4 No weigh in - at hospital with Trinity
Week 5 + 2 1/2
Total weight loss: - 6 1/2 lbs.

I'm feeling so much better about things. The scale was lower today than it has been in a long time. I have high hopes for Saturday morning.

Spiritual Jewels:
Even though the scale clearly reflects some back paddling, I felt very good about week 5. Going through Trinity's accident was very hard for me. I had to pull myself up by the boot straps and take inventory. Without any family around and even having to have Mark absent a good bit, it was rely on God or else.

As bad as the situation was and as alone (in earthly terms) as I felt, it was a truly rewarding Spiritual experience. For once in my life I didn't consume food to hide from the worry and the stress of the situation. Even if that meant cutting off my food portions because I knew the volume was too much, not because I didn't WANT TO EAT MORE, because I did. But I trusted God to keep comforting me and He really did.

I had a hard time praying, formally so to speak. When I'm caught up in these situations, I often can't find the words. Little more than, "Father, I need Your help," or, "Father, take care of her." Whispered prayers of this nature were all I could muster for awhile and for the first time in my life, that felt like enough. I think I've come a long way.

Devotional Time:
This time had to morph and change a little based on what I was able to do for a few days there and based on what I had in me to offer to the Lord for several days since. There were a few days I couldn't do anything. A few days I could only reflect on my one daily verse. And then I've started adding my Psalm reading back in as well. It isn't back up to full steam but again, I feel okay about it. This is the least guilty I've ever felt, and yet the more eager to resume my NORM.

Struggles:
Main course portions are my main struggle. I am allowing myself to have sweets. Deprivation is not part of this plan. I don't go overboard with those. But I have a hard time getting smaller portions of my meal. I refuse myself seconds, which is good, but still need less to start with.

Blessing My Heart:
This fell to the way side when I was at the hospital with Trinity. She's been sleeping in our room and so I haven't wanted to get up early to walk because I didn't want to wake her up. She's going back into her room tonight so perhaps tomorrow I'll get back on track ... or back on the treadmill.

Prayer Concerns:
Please pray for Trini's arm to continue to heal well. Her x-rays looked good yesterday as well as her incisions and pins. She likes the new cast so far and she likes me a little better now too. Pray for healing and no permanent damage.
My step-dad's father, Ed Fleming, is in real bad shape in a hospital in Oklahoma. He's dying. I don't know if anyone has really said that out loud. He's had a bad stroke and several small ones and now the main artery that supplies to his brain is closed off. He has a feeding tube in his stomach but that is having complications as well.
My cousin Jenny's son, Chase, has a heart condition that is probably going to require him to have heart surgery with the insertion of a pacemaker. Chase is an active 11 year old so pray he will have a quick recovery and be able to resume the things he loves to do.
Join me in thanking our Heavenly Father for beginning to deliver me from overeating and overweight.

She's Quacked Up

Friday, May 11, 7:00 p.m., I was folding clothes and packing for our vacation that we were leaving for the next morning. Mark was out for a bike ride with the kids. He had Will in a seat on the back of his bike and Trini was riding her bike, with training wheels, in front of him.

The front door opened and Mark's voice said, "Mom, she's hurt."

I looked at Trini who was calm and very quiet and started to say I would get the band aids, but Mark interrupted with, "I think her arm is broken." You could have knocked me over with a feather.

I have gone over and over that very moment in my mind since it happened. It was surreal. I couldn't believe it was even possible that I had heard him correctly. Broken? My baby? What? He later said maybe it was just dislocated or something but we were too far gone at that point.

I got the first aid kit and looked for something to splint her arm with. There was no blood thank heavens; not even a scrape or a scratch. Mark walked back down the street to get the bikes and our mail which had been strewn out during her fall.

We very quickly and with little discomfort to her, (tons to me) got her arm splinted. We headed out the door for the ER at St. Mary's Hospital. I was dreading the experience but I have to say it went very well.

The triage nurse evaluated her almost immediately and ordered her x-rays. We waited maybe 10 minutes for the person to take us back for that. This young lady had no business working with my child. It is my opinion that she had never x-rayed a broken limb on a conscious person before. She told us to bend Trini's arm and I have to believe that she could tell from the look on my face that her intelligence was seriously in question at that point. I simply stated, "That just isn't going to happen."

Then we were back to the waiting room for maybe 10-15 minutes when they came to get us and put her in an ER room. There we sat for quite awhile. The nurse took her vitals and tried to get her comfortable. Mark and I decided at that point he would take Will on home. Just before he left a young, female doctor came in. She was really sweet and verified the left arm was broken just above the elbow. She said they had sent the x-rays to the orthopaedic surgeon on call and he would let them know how he wanted to proceed.

The supervising doctor came in to evaluate her and told us he really thought we were looking at surgery that night. Then he said the surgeon was on his way in.

The surgeon walked in the room and started barking at people, including me. I finally asked, "And you are who?" He hadn't bothered to introduce himself. He did have them get her on the gurney/bed that was in the room which I was glad for. She'd been in a wheel chair most of the time. He was the first to evaluate that she had no feeling in her hand nor did she have a pulse in the wrist on that arm.

He told me what all was about to happen. The surgery could be 2-5 hours. He told me what repairs might be necessary. Then he told them to go ahead and get a better splint on her.

I immediately turned to him and requested, "If y'all are going to fool with her arm at all, could you please sedate her because she's been hurt enough already?"

He said, "I'm not going to fool with her arm."

This puzzled me since I knew they were putting a splint on it. They started and off course, my sweet angel began crying and I comforted her as best I could. I was livid. Once he was done I said, "Just to be clear, her crying right now is why I asked you to sedate her."

He fumbled for a moment for a reply and spouted off something about not wanting any more sedation than necessary with her going into surgery. Jerk. I'm being very nice with that.

Soon they were wheeling her upstairs to the surgery prep area. There she was, lying on a bed almost too short for her. Her long curls up in pig tails that we'd fought over getting up in ties that very morning. Her favorite pink crocs worn from daily wear clutched in my hand. Was this really happening?

Every time I would start to worry about her I would almost feel guilty. My cousin Jenny is looking at her son having heart surgery this summer. I thought about her all weekend long. This little problem was so minor compared to that. But this was my baby, my first baby. I was scared for her nervousness and for the recovery I knew that was ahead of her.

I told the anesthesiologist that this was one of the smartest kids he'd ever work with. He smiled. He was so nice. I told him to tell her what was going on. I told him that her knowing what was about to happen would relax her while not knowing what was happening would freak her out. He acknowledged, at least enough to pacify a mother who was not ready to let go.

I could tell from the look of the nurse that she didn't want to tell me it was time. So I leaned over and kissed my baby. I told her, "God has it all under control."

My crowning glory moment as a mother came in that instant. My baby said, "Of course He does Mommy."

Out the doors we went her to the right, me to the left. I kept my eyes on her until the cold doors of the OR shut behind her. She was gone from my sight and she really was in the Lord's hands. Every ounce of fear, worry, and empathy for her hit me at that moment. I burst into tears and feared my legs wouldn't hold me. I leaned to the wall for support and let the tears flow, alone.

I tried to move forward and calm myself a bit and then the nurse went and done it. She asked, "You have family coming to wait with you?" She only thought I had cried before.

In the next ten seconds she found out we had just relocated from Texas, had no family nearby and had a 2 year old at home my husband was with. She had no idea what can of worms she had opened up. Nor what flood of tears would follow.

I called Mark at 10:54. We quickly decided he would call the girl we had "selected" to eventually be our babysitter. Her name is Abbey, she's 23 and one of our elder's daughters. He called her and she was there within 20 minutes. Mark was thankfully able to come sit with me while we waited for the surgery to conclude. Praise be to God. It made all the difference.

She came out of surgery around 2:30 a.m. They had given us 2 update calls during that time. The surgeon came out and told us she'd done well. He'd made two incisions and inserted two pins. He'd restored her pulse and nerve function as well but wanted to keep checking that throughout the weekend so she'd be in the hospital until Sunday.

He is an older gentleman who has clearly seen many, many patients. He said it wasn't the worst break he'd ever seen in that location but it was definitely number three or four. When Brassette kids do it they do it right. With that train of thought we expect great things from her little brother. We thought about asking the surgeon if he gave discounts for multiple kids or if he could reserve time for Will in advance.

The nurse soon came to take us to the recovery room and there she was. My precious little angel. A little person that would still be one of my most favorite people in the whole world even if she wasn't my flesh and blood. A person with such a capacity to love and with such a good heart that even I in all my humanness haven't been able to mess it up yet.

We were in a room by 3:30 am and Mark headed home a little after 4. She woke up around 5 wanting to go potty and went almost every hour after that. Everything went smoothly in the hospital. They took good care of her and she was paroled on Sunday as scheduled.

Another great moment for me, as a mom, was in the wee hours of Sunday morning she was having a hard time falling asleep. She was uncomfortable in the hospital bed and both of her arms were aching, one from the break and one from the IV. After an hour of tossing and turning and being cold then hot, I found myself uttering a whispered prayer of, "Father, just let her close her eyes."

I felt God speak to me so clearly then. He reminded me that I could play the song "Open the Eyes of My Heart Lord" on my cell phone. I whipped it out and set it going and she calmed right down. It finished once and I asked her if I could play it one more time. She said sure. Before it was done the second time through, she was snoring. My Heavenly Father is faithful. (It worked again later that morning as well!)

The story of her fall began to unfold throughout the weekend. Trini was going down a slight hill and had picked up speed. She tottered and the bounced back and forth from training wheel to training wheel until she toppled over. Mark saw it all happening. When she tried to get up she cried out. Thanks be to God that she had her helmet on.

Mark had to get Will out of the seat before he could help Trini otherwise his bike would have fallen over. They had gotten the mail and it spilled all over the road. What a mess. Even with the break, nothing was skinned or bleeding. She never really complained much about the pain or anything until after we'd been in the ER room for quite sometime. It had been about 2 1/2 hours since the fall at that point and she had been moved and x-rayed and driven around. She's a real trooper.

We left the hospital around 9:30 or 10 on Sunday morning. Mother's Day ... while the situation stank to high heaven, I have to say that it was an honor and a privilege to be taking such delicate care of my child in a way only a mother can on this day they call Mother's Day. We were weary. We were exhausted. We were glad to be home.

She's come a long way this week. She isn't taking as much pain medicine although we're giving it to her when she asks. We got her sling "blinged" up so it isn't quite so blah now. She's making a list of what all she can do with one arm and is practicing a new craft of plastic beading on forms to make ornamental decorations. It's pretty cool. She loves phone calls and has enjoyed visits from our church family here. She's even gotten a few emails from her friends in Texas and has enjoyed that a lot too!

We'll go see Dr. Friendly (HA) next Tuesday to get her hard cast put on. I've promised her I will chill out after that about her moving around. She's still in just a splint right now so I'm not willing to take any chances.

My friend Kristen said something to the effect of, "They don't call it trauma for nothing!" We don't need any more trauma or drama! We're good for now.

I've got lots of pictures posted on our family yahoo group, including her x-rays. If you haven't joined yet, email me and I'll send you and invite to join. I also put normal pictures on there from Easter, our fishing expedition and other stuffs.

Thank you so much for your prayers through this ordeal. Please continue to pray for her healing and recovery. Also that she won't fear the bike she loved to ride so much. She's already expressed having no intention of riding again. If she does ever get back on we may end up being the only people ever with a teenager who rides with training wheels!

She Quacks Me Up!

So last week we're headed to Trini's Daisy Scout meeting. Some man, a child of God I know, was riding right on my tail with me and both of my children in our van. As I approached a traffic light we were both in the left lane. People in the right lane were turning right. We all know what this fruit loop was about to do, right? He's going to go flying around me.

Being the always Christian like person that I am, I started saying, "Hurry up! Come on! Whip around me. Hurry. Hurry. Don't wait too long now." I really didn't say it very ugly at all. I was just venting. However, Trinity heard me and inquired as to who I was talking to. LOL!

(I first said,) " Don't turn around but there is a rude man who isn't driving very safely behind us. He's riding too close to us and Mommy doesn't like it."

True to form, Mr. Loop, Mr. Fruit Loop, flies on around and speeds by. I told Trini that was him and that he was getting away from us so she didn't have to worry about it.

She didn't miss a beat and piped up with, quoting her verbatim, "Dude, it's not like it's a race or anything."

I nearly swerved I laughed so hard. I sent up a little prayer for Mr. Fruit Loop/Child of God the next day. He did give me a memorable moment with my daughter at least.

Progress Report Mid-Week 4

I know there were some prayers ascending for me this weekend. I could feel it. It went so much better than the two before. Thank you and bless you!

I think I'm being much more obedient to God's will for me regarding food but I'm doing it begrudgingly. I'm waiting for that day when I don't want to disobey. Obedience is great but it seems like it would be better received if it was practiced happily. HA!

Spiritual Jewels: My prayer life. Wow. I think I thought or had convinced myself that I was praying every day before. I was wrong. What a difference a constant, on-going prayer life makes. It keeps me focused on the needs of others as well as keeping God at the center of my focus for fixing my spirit and body. I jot down prayer requests or needs on a page I designate for that in my notebook so they are right there each day when I start my devotional time.

Physical Jewels: Saturday I gave my sweets to God all day as a sacrifice of Thanksgiving for the milestone I got to. I'm not ready to announce actual numbers, I'm still dealing with some issues of shame. But I will say I haven't been this weight since I was pregnant with Will, who is now 2 1/2. So I had some celebrating to do.
Week 1 - 5 1/2 lbs.
Week 2 + 1/2 lb.
Week 3 - 4 lbs.
Total Amount of Overweight God has delivered me from - 9 lbs.

Struggles: I'm very rarely desiring food when I'm not hungry. Stopping at a reasonable satisfaction is very difficult still. It does seem to get a little easier each week for the most part though.

God Breeze: I realized this week that even when I did go a little overboard once or twice it wasn't mega overboard as in years passed. Also, one little mistake didn't have to define my whole week or even my whole day. It was a bad choice or sometimes I do accidentally mess up. It doesn't mean all of my hard work to change has to go out the window. I just wait for hunger again and do better the next time. This is a HUGE change even from the first two weeks of this effort. During those two rough weekends I would overeat. The next time I would think, "Well, I already messed up so I might as well enjoy this too," or "I can always start over again tomorrow or Monday." You get the idea. This was a really good breakthrough for me. YIPPEE!!

Blessing My Heart: I've walked for 15 minutes every morning save one since May 1. It amuses me to look at the settings on my treadmill. The recommended walking speed is 3 mph. The recommended cool down speed is 2.5 mph. I'm UP to walking 2 mph. LOL! Babysteps folks! I had to start somewhere. I've walked all over the country, including Hawaii which cracks me up, with FLYLady. And I get my little heart sticker on my calender every day that I walk.

Personal Prayer Concerns: We have a vacation coming up soon. Eating out is always a big, fun part of vacations for me. Pray that I'll focus on the joy of our family unity and time together and also focus on my hunger and fullness signals. It may be hard to find quiet time to get in the Word so pray I'll manage that as well.

You can also pray for forgiveness for me for my Robin Thicke commentary. LOL

I Don't Get It

Okay folks, I've held it back long enough. I try very hard not to be hateful or critical of others, I really do. But there is something going on that I just do not get and I can be silent no longer.

In the last month or two I've seen singer Robin Thicke, son to Alan Thicke of "Growing Pains" fame, on at least three occasions as a guest on television shows. Oh my sweet heck! It is said he has chart topping success with his tune "Lost Without You". Say what?

The first time he started singing, I thought it was a comedy sketch I promise. Honest to goodness his voice sounds like someone trying to comically sing high or falsetto-ish. Not quite as nasal a sound as Mr. Bob Dylan but it just isn't right. Seriously, I'm waiting for Ashton Kutcher to pop out and say, "America, as a nation you've been punk'd!" It has to be some Howard Stern conspiracy to see if the powers that be can get Americans to buy or accept any load of garbage they are told is good and acceptable.

I will say that when he goes into his lower vocal range, where he sounds like an actual normal human man, it isn't half bad. But the one song he keeps singing over and over is all in that ... that ... weird voice.

They say he is one genius of a songwriter. You know what they say about those who can't sing ... yep, they write. Let's leave the vocals to the pros dude.

I'm sorry if you're a fan of his. I'm sorry that this has most likely offended you but mostly I'm sorry that there must be something very wrong with you. You should seek professional help at once.

If you haven't had the pleasure, I'd encourage you to listen to a sample of his vocal stylings at the music download section of walmart.com or the download site of your choice. It's definitely an out-of-this world experience.

In the words of Mr. Gump, "That's all I have to say about that."

Can't Live Without It

I wish I was addicted to something other than overeating. Think about it. If you're addicted to gambling, you can live without ever placing another bet. If you're addicted to nicotine, you may think you're dying but you can indeed live without ever having another cigarette. You can live without drugs, alcohol, or addictive behaviors like stealing. You never have to have even a little "taste" of them again. Once you overcome their stronghold, you can be done with them completely.

YOU CAN'T DO THAT WITH FOOD!!!! Why does this have to be my stronghold? I honestly feel like if I could walk away from it and never have another meal, I would be far better off. But there's the growl of the tummy, which is my natural signal designed by God. I have to run back to the source of my compulsion. I can never fully escape it.

It's getting better every day but as someone who has tried and failed so many times to break the hold overeating has one me, it scares me so. It discourages me to know I can never just walk away from the culprit. I have, howver, found more hope in the last two and a half weeks than I ever have before.

Babystep Goals:
- Spiritual - To consistently stay in the Word and pray
- Physical - To get my wedding rings back on

Longterm Goals:
- Spiritual - To make my temple an acceptable place for God's spirit and to let God be glorified through my deliverance from overeating and overweight
- Physical - To get my body into a healthier condition and hopefully a safer state for having another child

Life is fragile, handle with prayer!

Progress Report Mid-Week 3

Okay, here goes. The first week of Weigh Down I lost 5 1/2 pounds. (God doesn't work accordig to man's reccommended weight loss numbers! Thank GOODNESS!) The second week I gained 1/2 a pound. Truthfully I lost more than that each week but I had two really rough weekends in a row where I was in pain or exhausted and I comforted myself with food and did not get in the Word. (The first weekend I had aches and chills in reaction to two shots I got. The second weekend I was suffering from SEVERE FATIGUE in reaction to a new medicine my new doctor was trying on me.)

However, I was still disappointed in myself. For even if I couldn't get out of bed, I surely did not HAVE to overeat. I'm back on track now. Even the week between the weekends I did very well.

I've entered my Verse of the Day every single day, including those two weekends. I've made it through the first 37 chapters of Psalms, reading and commenting only 10 minutes a day. I've copied by hand the first 5 chapters of Isaiah and am a little ways into chapter 6, copying only 10 minutes a day. I've watched the first 3 videos of Weigh Down Advanced.

Yesterday I began walking 15 minutes a day on my treadmill. That thing is a God send for a mother of two young kids. FLYLady (www.flylady.net) kicked off a Bless Your Heart Project and I wanted to tag along. We FLYBabies enter our minutes on a counter on her website each day and for every 15 minutes we travel one mile across America. I couldn't believe all the places we got to yesterday. Of course, you have to enter your minutes to see the progress!

I'm walking for a couple of reasons. I'm not doing it for weight loss. God is delivering me from overweight in His own way and time. I know that without a doubt. I'm walking to be a part of FLYLady's program and I'm walking because I don't want to leave my soul mate and my beautiful children early because of heart disease. "Heart disease and stroke are the No. 1 and No. 3 killers of women. They are two of the many cardiovascular diseases that kill nearly 500,000 women each year. That is more than the next seven causes of death combined, including all forms of cancer." - American Heart Association

Spiritual Jewels: I've been in the Word consistently and more than I have in quite sometime. I've gone to the Lord in prayer daily.

Physical Jewels: I am losing weight. Clothes are already fitting a little better and I'm hoping my wedding rings will be back on pretty soon. I had blood work done on 4/20. My numbers were good. My diabetes was under good control and my cholesterol was 111. WOO HOO! It was over 300 early last year and still at 233 in December. It was my first good report in a long time.

Struggles: I have a hard time getting smaller portions. It's getting better, but I want to load up my plate. I don't struggle with getting seconds, so that's good. And, I need to quit thinking so much about my next opportunity to eat.

As the weekend approaches, I could use some prayers. Hopefully I won't have any "trouble issues" so just prayers for me to stay the course and keep on the right path would be great! Drop me a comment or an email if you can send up a prayer!

Progress Report

I forget how faithful God is when I behave myself. He has been so good to me this week. Of all the times I've attempted "Weigh Down Workshop" principles, this one has been the easiest. I really don't feel like I've had to deprive myself this week at all. I felt that way before. I knew when I was full and it was very difficult for me to stop at that point.

The scale certainly reflects God's mercy. (I plan to report that progress monthly as I know how greatly it can fluctuate, especially for women.) He rewards me so when I am obedient and put Him first. The greatest rewards though are in my heart and in my changing attitudes. Overall this week I've felt joyful and grateful.

Currently when the kids hit rest time I do the following:
~ Copy my Verse of the Day from my daily email
~ Comment on the verse if I feel I need to.
~ Make a short prayer list and spend a few minutes in prayer trying to just "talk" with my Father.
~ I make a note of Thanksgiving.
~ I make a note of Confession.
~ I spend 10 minutes reading from the book of Psalms. I'm going straight through. I jot down verses that speak to me and sometimes a short comment on them.
~ I spend 10 minutes with devotional music playing copying the book of Isaiah.

Ya know, I felt a little embarrassed initially of my babysteps of faith to jumpstart me back to the spiritual place I needed to be. But when I actually write it down, that's not half bad.

And the cool thing about babysteps is that I haven't gotten overwhelmed and skipped or put off 'til later my process even once since Saturday. I'm proud of that. I did choose to alter it yesterday to spend time reading and sending out an impromptu on-line Bible Question search I'd done. I feel okay about that because it was just as essential to my spiritual health this week as my regular routine.

On another note, today was a gorgeous day as so many are here in the Grand Valley. We met three other homeschool families and their kids at a nice park in GJ. The moms were SO NICE. I really enjoyed talking to them. They are the moms of girls that will hopefully make up Trinity's new Brownie Troop next fall which I will lead. The kids had a blast. I had to have enjoyed it more than they did though.

Yesterday was a horrendously windy day. From our second floor you can see three different mountain ranges. The Bookcliffs, the Grand Mesa, and the Colorado National Monument. The wind was so fierce yesterday that it created a major dust storm. You could just barely make out the top of each range if you looked really really hard. The air was brown and visibility was awful.

Occasional wind ... I'll take it. It beats the dickens out of tornadoes, thunderstorms, smoldering heat and the ever-so-fun hurricanes!

I must say that I really questioned getting a two story house. It was never on my radar to do so. I can't imagine not having this house and not having the views it affords us. Although we'll be on a shoestring budget for at least a couple of years, it is SO WORTH IT!

Have a blessed day in our Father's World!

Verification Codes

Let me just say that yahoo aggravates the fire out of me. When I send a group email out it asks for me to copy a code to verify that I'm not sending out automated spam type messages. Surely most of you have come across these little boogers a time or two!

The problem is, Mr. Yahoo, that half of the time you can not read at least one of the characters in the swirlie code. COME ON! I end up taking a minimum of two tries, sometimes three to guess the mystery letter that I can't read. Verification codes are a nuisance but I could learn to tolerate them. Let's just make them legible so we don't spend more time verifying our emails than we do writing them to begin with. Thank you.

Game on, Sarah Dawn

I started to write this as a comment for my friend Sarah but decided it was blogworthy.

A couple of week's ago Sarah announced her intent to do a temple remodel. I've been following her progress and her process with a little envy I suppose, and a little shame.

So many times I've tried to lose weight. So many times I've tried to grow closer to God. I'm not sure why I deviate from the right path.

So, my message to Sarah ...

Hey Girl!

I just wanted to say two words to you. GAME ON. I am so in this.

I just realized today that Will is 5 months away from being the age Trini was when I got pg with him. I desperately want at least one more child, two really, but I refuse to endanger myself or them by starting off a pregnancy so "weighty".

So, "Fill me up, bread of heaven." I'm determined to make this temple a pleasing place for God's spirit. And, like you, I'm working from the inside out.

Continuing on ...

I haven't been giving God nor His word the attention He is worthy of. From now on, when the kids start rest time, it's me and Him, one on one for at least 20 minutes at first. That's my babystep. I know it isn't enough but it is more than I'm doing now.

(Thank you, Flylady, for reminding me that doing something, anything, is better than doing nothing. And, especially with God, it's just stupid to strive for perfection, which is unattainable.)

Experience tells me that when I fill myself with the Word I tend not to fill myself, (okay, OVERFILL myself,) with food. In addition to jumping into the Word with both feet, I'm officially listening to my body. God gave me the benefit of signals with regard to food. I'm listening. I'm not going to drive anymore. Not even from the backseat. "Jesus, take the stinking wheel". (Okay, so she didn't sing stinking but she's a size 4 or something.) I've messed this temple up way bad.

The mind clutter and the body clutter are heading for the hills. I refuse to regret for the rest of my life that I didn't allow myself to receive the gifts I might have been given had I not kept pushing God's will aside.

So, sister Sarah, we're in this thing together, okay? Anyone else want to come along? Jump right in. The water is cold but it'll get warmer. I'll blog from time to time but I'm not making any promises. Babysteps. I don't want to get overwhelmed.

"Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's spirit lives in you?" - I Corinthians 3:16
- The remodeling has begun. I'm giving it to You, Father.

Goodbye My Friend

Peanut Brassette

1995 - 2007

~ Thank you for the laughs, the tears, the growing of our patience.

~ Thank you for the loyalty, the licks, the growing of our patience.

~ Thank you for your floppy ears, your hound dog bark, and the growing of our patience.

Our first "child", you've been with us since our marriage began. You were loved and you will be greatly missed.

Run and be spunky and free of pain once more! Farewell old girl!

Love,

Mom

"A Dog's Plea"

Treat me kindly, my beloved friend, for no heart in all the world is more grateful for kindness than the loving heart of me.

Do not break my spirit with a stick, for though I should lick your hand between blows, your patience and understanding will more quickly teach me the things you would have me learn.

Speak to me often, for your voice is the world's sweetest music, as you must know by the fierce wagging of my tail when your footstep falls upon my waiting ear.

Please take me inside when it is cold and wet, for I am a domesticated animal, no longer accustomed to bitter elements. I ask no greater glory than the privilege of sitting at your feet beside the hearth.

Keep my pan filled with fresh water, for I cannot tell you when I suffer thirst.

Feed me clean food that I may stay well, to romp and play and do your bidding, to walk by your side and stand ready, willing and able to protect you with my life, should your life be in danger.

And, my friend, when I am very old, and I no longer enjoy good health, hearing and sight, do not make heroic efforts to keep me going. I am not having any fun. Please see that my trusting life is taken gently. I shall leave this earth knowing with the last breath I draw that my fate was always safest in your hands.

Author Unknown

Tub Ta Tub Tub Tub

It's in. Its' gorgeous. It is soothing and relaxing and it is an adult tub. (As opposed to the adolescent tub of days passed.)

Where we started:

And look, our bathtub is all grown up now!

I enjoy having a soaking tub so much! Mark was the driving force behind getting this done. He is awfully good to me.

One of the deacons at church contracted the work. His team demo'ed and then finished it while a plumber actually installed it and did that part. I'm glad to have it over and done with and I'm so glad to have this as part of our home at the end of long days.

Just wanted to show you one of the highlights of my week!

Lesa

An Actual Conversation

This is an actual conversation that recently took place in our family.

A couple of weeks ago we were turning into our subdivision. Mark says to us all, "Look at those three really big dogs over there."

I immediately followed with, "Look at that huge raccoon right there."

Mark stopped the van as soon as it registered with him what I had said. He backed up and sure enough there sat the second biggest raccoon I had ever seen in my life. He was helping himself to somehing in the backyard of one of our subdivision's residents. One of the many out of the ordinary adventures around here.

Incidentally, the largest raccoon I have ever seen was in the Cone-Crossland Zoo in Crossett, AR. I think his name was Rocky. (On a side note, if he is still imprisoned there, I would encourage Crossett residents to rise up and demand his freedom be restored at once. He deserves better!)

Grand Junction is really a nice place to live. We are enjoying the newness of it still. The house is coming together and life is moving on.

The contractor should finish the grout on my new tub tomorrow morning. After that the house will be all ours again. We had a midget tub when we moved in. Please don't get all up in arms for little people. I'm not saying the tub was for midgets, which I wouldn't call them. It was itself a midget of a tub with a depth of a whopping 14 inches. (If the tub is offended you can join its cause for rights, etc.)

The new tub ... oh me oh my ... the new tub ... 22 inches deep folks! And although we didn't set out to get one with jets, it has them and they are good. Let the people say AMEN! I got to use it last night after the plumber got it installed. VERY COOL! I'll post pics here or on our yahoo group when they finish. "Tooooo - morrow, too - morrow, I love ya, ta-morrow, You're only a day away!!!!!!!!!!"

Blssings everybody!

Let's Have a Chat Lord

I am really glad to know our smoke alarms in our new house work. I think it is very cool that if one goes off they all go off. I think it is very helpful to know that when they go off we'll sit straight up in bed and have no idea what is going. I think fire drills are important and necessary for a safe evacuation of a home.

However, dear Heavenly Father, I do not appreciate and am very disappointed in your decision to create an impromptu fire alarm drill, throughout our home, at three o'clock in the morning. If you feel you've been getting the silent treatment, I'm sorry, but you are.

I do not enjoy my heart pounding so hard that I fear it will leap from my body. I do not enjoy seeing the terror on my children's faces and tears in their sleepy little eyes. I do not enjoy sneering at my husband feeling certain that his installation of all new smoke alarms the day before is somehow responsible.

Lord, 8:00 am to 1:00 pm is good for me. I'll give you a second option of 4:00 pm to 11:00 pm, after all, I'm not trying to be difficult here. Since I know you have no sense of earthly time, I'll spring for a $4.87 watch from Wal-Mart for you if you could avoid the overnight fire drill in the future.

Sincerely Yours,
Perturbed and Still Shaking

The Journey

3/13/07 - I haven't fully proofread this. There's my disclaimer. I do think I'm finally done though. I've had to work on it for a few minutes each day to get through it all!
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Well, this is the second time I've started this blog. Apparently SAVE AS DRAFT doesn't work all that well. Actually, I may not have gotten around to that and while I had a working document opened someone in my family closed it. Don't need to bother asking. No one will know anything.

Our trip to Colorado ...

Tuesday night, 2/20, we meet my sister Kara on the other side of Houston to let her keep the kiddos for us. We didn't want Will to get trampled and we didn't want Trini freaking out when her stuff was getting packed.

Wednesday, 2/21, three movers show up. They have most of the house packed, a number of boxes and some of the furniture loaded by the end of the day.

Thursday, 2/22, they packed up odds and ends and loaded, and loaded, and loaded, and then they loaded some more. The outdoor stuff took forever. Someone needs to declutter his junk!

By the time they drove Mark's CR-V up on to the trailer, that was about all that was going to fit. Thank goodness they were done. It was 8:30 pm before they headed out.

We went to eat at Pappdeaux's in Kemah for dinner and stayed, for the first time, at the Kemah Boardwalk Inn. It was really, really nice. We would have had a great view but unfortunately there was very dense fog in the area that night and the next morning. Bummer.

Friday, 2/23, we ran a few errands. We headed back to the house and loaded up our necessities. We had a full van but everything fit, including all 3 dogs, a small aquarium and the dozen or so surviving ants from the ant hill. 60-90 day life expectancy my foot!!

We headed to College Station to pick up the kids. I couldn't help feeling homeless as we left the house in Deer Park. Our keys were inside so it was no longer ours. Yet, the house in Grand Junction hadn't closed yet and it would be 3 or 4 more hours until we had our new home. After that we went to my mom's in Cedar Creek and spent the night there. As we left College Station we got the call that the closing had gone smoothly and we were homeowners once again.

Saturday, 2/24, we left early and headed back to College Station for my niece and nephew's joint birthday party. It was at a park there and it was really nice. About 1:30 we headed out for Colorado. As excited as we were it sure was hard to leave my family.

Before I go any further I need to fill you in on a teensy weensy detail that added lots of depth and meaning to this trip. Our oldest dog, Peanut the beagle, started having diarrhea on Thursday while the movers were loading stuff up. She couldn't control it and was going in her crate. There would eventually be vomiting to and <> blood in her stool. Well into the trip she wasn't wanting to get up out of her crate to be walked. We were afraid at one point she wouldn't make it.

Back to the story ...

So, we've left from College Station. We get to I-35 a few hours later an just outside of Waco the air gets brown and the winds are nuts. Obviously the wind was stirring up some good old fashioned Texas dust and dirt. I had never seen that before. It was weird. It stayed like that until Ft. Worth. Mark's arms were tired from bracing against the wind at the wheel.

We had dinner in Electra, TX, just north of Wichita Falls. The wind was blowing so hard that our little Peek-a-poo could barely walk in it.

We started looking for a Starbucks at this point as the plan was to fill me up with caffeine so I could drive during the night while Mark slept. None to be found ... we didn't pass a single one. I ended up having to settle for a large cup of coffee (that no amount of sugar could have improved upon) from Sonic. Trust me, I tried 5 packs!

About 11:30 pm I started driving. I got the leg of the trip that included wild animals darting around, falling rocks, icy roads, and unamusing road signs. "Falling Rock", "Avalanche Area", "Elk Crossing", and "Icy Roads LIKELY", to name a few. ?????????

The first part of my drive is when I saw a fox, some deer, and the biggest rabbit ever. The middle part of my drive was two lane, icy, mountain roads. The LAST part was wear the road was up and down, had icy patches, and finally, falling rock.

Mark woke up because I was driving so slow. I told him I was worried about hitting ice and losing control. ("Jesus Take the Wheel" began playing in my head.) Mark said I wouldn't slide far going that slow. I wasn't amused.

Not even five minutes later I top the hill at mach speed, (okay I was going 33 but it felt fast) and saw rocks ahead in both lanes. Another car was passing me going a more normal speed. I was able to move over far enough to let him swerve and neither of our vehicles were damaged. There's something to be said about us Texan drivers after all!

At 3:30 am both of children were awake watching Charlotte's Web. Just an interesting fact to note.

Mark started driving again pretty soon after that. It was close to 4:30 a.m. My arms were tired from the stress of the conditions. We pulled over at a rest area for a couple of hours and slept really well surprisingly. We watched the sun come up for the first time as Colorado residents and then got on the road again.

We had breakfast at McDonald's just north of Colorado Springs. We let the kids play for awhile and stretch out their legs. Then it was back on the road.

Mark got his chance at the fun of the roads west of Denver around Vail. Lots and lots of snow and some slick roads were only part of his fun. He did well and I stayed awake to gasp now and then. It was as pretty as it was nerve racking!

Lunch was in Glenwood Springs and then we knew we were on the "home" stretch, less than two hours from Grand Junction. We went straight to the house, our house. We arrived sometime in the 2:00 pm hour. It wouldn't take long for it to begin to feel like home. It was a wonderful feeling to hold the key in our hands and know it was ours.

I think this is long enough! If I've forgotten something I'll have to write a new blog later! Sorry it is so long! It represents the length of the trip I suppose!

Weirdness #1

Deana Nall challenged me months ago to list my 50 most weirdnesses. I don't have time to list that many but I'll try to list a few at a time as I think of them.

#1 - My pillow ... I don't want anyone else laying on it, breathing on it, even touching it necessarily. If it is packed in the car I don't want it touching anything, especially things that could be dirty or dusty or even perceived as such. It should NEVER, under any circumstance, be placed on the floor.

The Ties That Bind

Well, the Capps family never ceases to amaze me. How blessed I am to still have such strong ties to my PEEPS. My mom's extended family is simply amazing.

Sunday, February 4, a surprise gathering in Lufkin, Texas, gave us the greatest send off we could have ever hoped for. Family members from Plano, Channelview, Liberty, Cedar Creek, College Station, Columbus, and I'm sure I'm missing more, gathered to worship the Lord together. We surprised my 82 year young Poppa. We all just showed up for worship at the small congregation he worships with at Herty Church of Christ. He was blown away.

My Uncle Mike did the opening announcements. He got me crying as he explained to the small congregation the bombardment of people. He talked of how close our family is and wished Mark and I and the kids God speed as we set off on our new adventures in Colorado.

Poppa led some songs during worship as he did so many times during my childhood. I looked around the auditorium and so much was familiar. The metal numbers that hang on the classroom doors are the same. The pews, although reapolstered I believe, are the same. Some of the same dear faces remain. Though slightly changed they were the ones there for my first physical steps and my first steps of faith.

My cousin Ryan led the remaining songs during worship. Uncle Dan led the first prayer and my Mom's cousin Reggie led the closing prayer. How appropriate to have so much family involved in the service.

We all had a catered lunch at the Huntington Community Center. More family came and we celebrated Uncle Mike's 60th birthday. They presented my family with a scrapbook that has pictures of each of the branches of the family. They all wrote in something it for us too. Let me tell you, I can't imagine anything better to take with me to help keep my kids connected to this legacy of love. Everyone contributed and my cousin Courtney put it together. Thank y'all, so very very much.

To everyone who came and wished us well, to the family members who pulled the meal together and handled all the little details most of us took for granted, you gave us such a special day and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

We rounded out the day at Grandma and Granddaddy May's house. We had a good visit with them. A jewel for me was to hear my Granddaddy say that we had really turned his thinking about homeschooling around. WOW! I'm so proud of that and he'll never know how much that comment meant to me.

As we headed out of town, I had one more stop to make. Someone from my past beckoned me say farewell. The Garden of Memories just south of Lufkin holds a great many family members and loved ones of mine. None so dear as my Granny, who still to this day I miss so much.

Over the years I've found it hard to "talk to her" when I would visit her gravesite. I would usually find myself in prayer about her. It was different this time and I'm not exactly sure why. I really talked to her.

I told her how much she had encompassed my childhood. So many days and nights were spent with her. She was the first to show me how to scramble eggs. She tried to convince me that powdered milk could taste just as good as fresh milk in a carton. (Sweet Granny, now that just isn't true! LOL) She taught me the ins and outs and history of "Days of Our Lives" and "Another World" which were called her "stories".

I told her how much she would love the three miracles in my life; the man God sent straight from Heaven to hold my hand and take care of me and to love me in ways I didn't know were possible. And of course the two little gifts from God He had placed in my care. What would she think of the compassionate, getting freckled faced girl that calls me Mommy? Or the rambunctious, more like me than I care to admit boy who has rocked my world and given it so much life?

I told her that for the first time she had been gone, Poppa was going to be all right. I told her he was in really good hands and that I knew she wanted that for him. I told her to rest easy.

I told her I couldn't believe I was going to be away from all of these people I had spent the day with. I told her it was going to be so hard. I told her I was glad I had her strength and her faith in God. I could be excited about this huge change with those in hand.

So much of my past was wrapped up in her but I can look with joy at the influence she had on my life and still has today. The more I talked to her, the more she became entwined in my present and my future as well.

Father God, thank You for letting me find my roots and my wings within my dear family. Thank You that my children have this as the foundation of their earthly lives. Thank You for gracing me with people who care deeply about each other and about the connection we all have. May we follow where You lead and may You lead us back from time to time to the place where I began. In the name of Jesus, Amen.

It's Feeling Real

We're just back from a 4 day, 3 night Colorado cruise. Cruise my foot! What an adventure the Brassette Bunch had. We left home around 7:45 Sunday morning and returned Wednesday night around 9:30. The trip was successful we think but we sure were some tired souls dragging in here two nights ago.

Personally, I had hoped to find an acceptable home on Monday. Then spend Tuesday looking at favorites and make an offer. Well, Tuesday evening we were torn between two amazing homes which had me very frustrated. I finally snapped out of it when I realized how blessed we were to be in such a predicament. We could have not found any homes we liked!

Around 5:30 on Tuesday we called our realtor and told him the offer we wanted to make. It's quite lower than the listing price of the home but we have house number 2 as our back up plan. We're overnighting paperwork with our offer and earnest money and hope to hear something soon.


Here is our top choice! It is in a nice, established neighborhood. The street is Dane Lane. (Trinity liked that it rhymed.) It was built in 1996 and has 2432 sq ft. We'll have lots of room to spread out. 4 bedrooms, 2 1/2 baths, a gameroom upstairs and a dining room, living room, and office downstairs.

I can't put pictures of our second choice because it is a new construction home. So new that they had plastic draped all around it.

The children were AMAZING the whole trip. They were up early each day and went to bed late each night. They missed naps and rests and had some late meals. They were dragged in and out of houses, the car, the hotel, airports and planes. They remained sane, as did we, and were simply remarkable.


Will woke up at 6 am Wednesday morning to our dismay. This is the child who generally sleeps until 8:30 or so. He fell asleep on the way to the airport and then took a long nap during our layover in Denver in his stroller sitting upright half the time.

As we were coming out of our favorite house to that point on Monday, Mark stepped down wrong and sprained his ankle very badly. His whole foot is still black and blue. Within about 5 minutes it had swollen up the size of a baseball right at the bump of his ankle. I got a free pass to do the driving after that and he got to put a snow pack on it.

The snow ... there were several inches on the ground and the kids had a big time. Kamikaze Will ran and jumped and kicked and THREW. Trini was a little more reserved, as usual. She did manage to bean a few snowballs at us though. We couldn't convince her to make a snow angel. It sure was PURTY!

I dropped my hip pack on the ground Tuesday and managed to completely whack out my cell phone that was nestled inside. I can no longer read the inside screen of it and the battery isn't holding a charge for very long. So, if you call it and I don't answer, call us at home or Mark's cell as I won't be able to tell you called!

As far as Deer Park goings-on our house showed twice last Saturday and we have one offer in writing already and the promise of another. It was officially listed last Friday. Isn't that amazing?? Now if only we could secure a home to move into we'll be all set.

It looks like we'll be trying to move the last week in February. We'll keep you posted. Email if you want more pictures or I can invite you to join our family yahoo group where they will all be soon if you'd like to stay connected.

Lesa